Numbers 21

¹And when king Arad the Canaanite, which dwelt in the south, heard tell that Israel came by the way of the spies; then he fought against Israel, and took some of them prisoners.

Makes you wonder why they weren't wanted. was it the reputation of Moses or his god. Not that it really matters they are both cunts.

²And Israel vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou wilt indeed deliver this people into my hand, then I will utterly destroy their cities.

Still trying there then.

³And the LORD hearkened to the voice of Israel, and delivered up the Canaanites; and they utterly destroyed them and their cities: and he called the name of the place Hormah.

So the "peaceful" unhomed Israelites sack not one but possibly all their cities and they then live in one of their cities.....but no they move on...strange that, some one couldn't possibly stretching the truth a little bit.

⁴And they journeyed from mount Hor by the way of the Red sea, to compass the land of Edom: and the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way.

What! After winning all those great battles and no doubt gathering in untold riches as spoils of war ?

⁵And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread.

Either I have stumbled on the reason the Israelites were not wanted, or if it's not a mass infection of halitosis, then it must be bullshit I smell.

⁶And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.

Fiery serpents ? lava ? burning oil ? bad dream ? Thrush, some other STD???

⁷Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people.

⁸And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.

You telling me they were emigrating over the world back then.

⁹And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.

A serpent of brass ? Is that not an image of a fiery serpent ? were images of anything not forbidden back in Exodus, chapter 20 verse 4 to be exact "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth." you know one of the commandments from god that god made Moses break when he told him to construct the Ark of the Covenant.

Now it just occurred to me as I was looking for a picture of a fiery serpent, would not burning oil rained down from a besieged city wall look like fiery serpents although how a brass model would do anything about it is beyond me

¹⁰And the children of Israel set forward, and pitched in Oboth.

¹¹And they journeyed from Oboth, and pitched at Ijeabarim, in the wilderness which is before Moab, toward the sunrising.

¹²From thence they removed, and pitched in the valley of Zared.

¹³From thence they removed, and pitched on the other side of Arnon, which is in the wilderness that cometh out of the coasts of the Amorites: for Arnon is the border of Moab, between Moab and the Amorites.

¹⁴Wherefore it is said in the book of the wars of the LORD, What he did in the Red sea, and in the brooks of Arnon,

What book is that then and where can I get hold of it ?

¹⁵And at the stream of the brooks that goeth down to the dwelling of Ar, and lieth upon the border of Moab.

¹⁶And from thence they went to Beer: that is the well whereof the LORD spake unto Moses, Gather the people together, and I will give them water.

¹⁷Then Israel sang this song, Spring up, O well; sing ye unto it:

What they are at a watering hole, a they not picking up women ...... or have they already married their close relatives.

¹⁸The princes digged the well, the nobles of the people digged it, by the direction of the lawgiver, with their staves. And from the wilderness they went to Mattanah:

I thought for a minute there we had a genuine prophesy then I realised it didn't say Manhatten.

¹⁹And from Mattanah to Nahaliel: and from Nahaliel to Bamoth:

²⁰And from Bamoth in the valley, that is in the country of Moab, to the top of Pisgah, which looketh toward Jeshimon.

²¹And Israel sent messengers unto Sihon king of the Amorites, saying,

²²Let me pass through thy land: we will not turn into the fields, or into the vineyards; we will not drink of the waters of the well: but we will go along by the king's high way, until we be past thy borders.

²³And Sihon would not suffer Israel to pass through his border: but Sihon gathered all his people together, and went out against Israel into the wilderness: and he came to Jahaz, and fought against Israel.

²⁴And Israel smote him with the edge of the sword, and possessed his land from Arnon unto Jabbok, even unto the children of Ammon: for the border of the children of Ammon was strong.

²⁵And Israel took all these cities: and Israel dwelt in all the cities of the Amorites, in Heshbon, and in all the villages thereof.

I have to know is any of this real outside of the original author's head.

First of all we need a date to be looking for, fairly easy if you dont want to be too accurate as previously pointed out the santorini eruption has been dated to around 1350/1450 bce. so we are looking at a period around 1300-1400 bce.

Via The Ancient History Sourcebook I found this

The princes are prostrate, saying: "Mercy!"
   Not one raises his head among the Nine Bows.
 Desolation is for Tehenu; Hatti is pacified; 
Plundered is the Canaan with every evil;
 Carried off is Ashkelon; seized upon is Gezer;
 Yanoam is made as that which does not exist;  
Israel is laid waste, his seed is not;
Hurru is become a widow for Egypt!
 All lands together, they are pacified;

I also found this which started well and then employed the clutch at straw technique for archaeological interpretation.

²⁶For Heshbon was the city of Sihon the king of the Amorites, who had fought against the former king of Moab, and taken all his land out of his hand, even unto Arnon.

²⁷Wherefore they that speak in proverbs say, Come into Heshbon, let the city of Sihon be built and prepared:

²⁸For there is a fire gone out of Heshbon, a flame from the city of Sihon: it hath consumed ar of Moab, and the lords of the high places of Arnon.

²⁹Woe to thee, Moab! thou art undone, O people of Chemosh: he hath given his sons that escaped, and his daughters, into captivity unto Sihon king of the Amorites.

³⁰We have shot at them; Heshbon is perished even unto Dibon, and we have laid them waste even unto Nophah, which reacheth unto Medeba.

³¹Thus Israel dwelt in the land of the Amorites.

³²And Moses sent to spy out Jaazer, and they took the villages thereof, and drove out the Amorites that were there.

³³And they turned and went up by the way of Bashan: and og the king of bashan went out against them, he, and all his people, to the battle at edrei.

³⁴And the LORD said unto Moses, Fear him not: for I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people, and his land; and thou shalt do to him as thou didst unto Sihon king of the Amorites, which dwelt at Heshbon.

³⁵So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive: and they possessed his land.

Let me get this straight.....These people that needed divine help to escape 600 Egyptian charioteers, whose numbers have been reduced by natural(and allegedly unnatural disasters) are now after a generation able to decimate entire cities without anyone else mentioning so much as a "by the way Moses and his crew had a day trip to Canaan and capped his ass"