Monday, 8 December 2008

Numbers 9

1And the LORD spake unto Moses in the wilderness of Sinai, in the first month of the second year after they were come out of the land of Egypt, saying,

At last , a time frame to place all this. So god made the universe in six days but can't organise an exaggerated number of refugees in all that time, but can con many precious things from these people. Not to mention underlining it all with a perpetual slaughter of animals.

2Let the children of Israel also keep the passover at his appointed season.

3In the fourteenth day of this month, at even, ye shall keep it in his appointed season: according to all the rites of it, and according to all the ceremonies thereof, shall ye keep it.

4And Moses spake unto the children of Israel, that they should keep the passover.

5And they kept the passover on the fourteenth day of the first month at even in the wilderness of Sinai: according to all that the LORD commanded Moses, so did the children of Israel.

6And there were certain men, who were defiled by the dead body of a man, that they could not keep the passover on that day: and they came before Moses and before Aaron on that day:

7And those men said unto him, We are defiled by the dead body of a man: wherefore are we kept back, that we may not offer an offering of the LORD in his appointed season among the children of Israel?

Yes! That's what we were told god said

8And Moses said unto them, Stand still, and I will hear what the LORD will command concerning you.

9And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

10Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If any man of you or of your posterity shall be unclean by reason of a dead body, or be in a journey afar off, yet he shall keep the passover unto the LORD.

11The fourteenth day of the second month at even they shall keep it, and eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs.

12They shall leave none of it unto the morning, nor break any bone of it: according to all the ordinances of the passover they shall keep it.

13But the man that is clean, and is not in a journey, and forbeareth to keep the passover, even the same soul shall be cut off from among his people: because he brought not the offering of the LORD in his appointed season, that man shall bear his sin.

14And if a stranger shall sojourn among you, and will keep the passover unto the LORD; according to the ordinance of the passover, and according to the manner thereof, so shall he do: ye shall have one ordinance, both for the stranger, and for him that was born in the land.

So the great omniscience himself has changed his alzheimer's riddled mind again.....You would think that a being who lives outside of time who is so wise and fucking wonderful would manage to get his shit together a bit more, before telling his stupid creations what to do. Seriously how do pricks like Moses through to Fred Phelps get these halfwits to believe their unbelievable shit.

15And on the day that the tabernacle was reared up the cloud covered the tabernacle, namely, the tent of the testimony: and at even there was upon the tabernacle as it were the appearance of fire, until the morning.

16So it was alway: the cloud covered it by day, and the appearance of fire by night.

Well all these young acolytes need their lessons in the pyrotechnics. We don't want another accident like the one that killed Aaron's sons.

17And when the cloud was taken up from the tabernacle, then after that the children of Israel journeyed: and in the place where the cloud abode, there the children of Israel pitched their tents.

So they sent out a scout to find a new site(one where there wasn't yet a stagnant pool of blood from the multitude of sacrificed animals) and mark a suitable site with smoke.

18At the commandment of the LORD the children of Israel journeyed, and at the commandment of the LORD they pitched: as long as the cloud abode upon the tabernacle they rested in their tents.

19And when the cloud tarried long upon the tabernacle many days, then the children of Israel kept the charge of the LORD, and journeyed not.

So under a smoke screen they put up the big tent without revealing all the riches to the freshly fleeced, so they wouldn't realise how much had been conned from them.

20And so it was, when the cloud was a few days upon the tabernacle; according to the commandment of the LORD they abode in their tents, and according to the commandment of the LORD they journeyed.

21And so it was, when the cloud abode from even unto the morning, and that the cloud was taken up in the morning, then they journeyed: whether it was by day or by night that the cloud was taken up, they journeyed.

22Or whether it were two days, or a month, or a year, that the cloud tarried upon the tabernacle, remaining thereon, the children of Israel abode in their tents, and journeyed not: but when it was taken up, they journeyed.

23At the commandment of the LORD they rested in the tents, and at the commandment of the LORD they journeyed: they kept the charge of the LORD, at the commandment of the LORD by the hand of Moses.

So they started wandering , on a journey that was already into it's second year a journey that took Abraham and the brothers of Joseph a few day's , a journey that was destined to last fourty years. You would think JHWH would be better at reading a map especially from up there on a cloud.


watercat said...

This always bothers me. The dumb shits were going Cannaan, to the Northeast, so they head due south after crossing the Red Sea? It's less than 200 miles, should have taken them a few weeks, not forty years.
Wouldn't anybody with any sense fire their guide?

Baal's Bum said...

I suppose with god being invisible, Moses couldn't see which way he was pointing.