Sunday, 28 September 2008

Leviticus 10

1And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not.

The incense no doubt containing something to change the colour and/or burning quality of the flames.

2And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD.

An early version of gunpowder perhaps. Not explosive, but rapid burning, possibly something mastered by the Midianite priesthood but not yet learned by the young siblings. Or maybe they wasn't wearing their magic underpants.

3Then Moses said unto Aaron, This is it that the LORD spake, saying, I will be sanctified in them that come nigh me, and before all the people I will be glorified. And Aaron held his peace.

I would have expected him to say something like.."Look Bro, They fucked up. Now I know you're pissed off, but if you make a fuss you'll ruin it for us all."

4And Moses called Mishael and Elzaphan, the sons of Uzziel the uncle of Aaron, and said unto them, Come near, carry your brethren from before the sanctuary out of the camp.
5So they went near, and carried them in their coats out of the camp; as Moses had said.
6And Moses said unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons, Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people: but let your brethren, the whole house of Israel, bewail the burning which the LORD hath kindled.
7And ye shall not go out from the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: for the anointing oil of the LORD is upon you. And they did according to the word of Moses.

Which is to say ... mourn in private don't fuck up the gravy train.

8And the LORD spake unto Aaron, saying,
9Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations:

Which is to say ..Don't get pissed up and spill the beans.

10And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean;
11And that ye may teach the children of Israel all the statutes which the LORD hath spoken unto them by the hand of Moses.
12And Moses spake unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons that were left, Take the meat offering that remaineth of the offerings of the LORD made by fire, and eat it without leaven beside the altar: for it is most holy:
13And ye shall eat it in the holy place, because it is thy due, and thy sons' due, of the sacrifices of the LORD made by fire: for so I am commanded.
14And the wave breast and heave shoulder shall ye eat in a clean place; thou, and thy sons, and thy daughters with thee: for they be thy due, and thy sons' due, which are given out of the sacrifices of peace offerings of the children of Israel.
15The heave shoulder and the wave breast shall they bring with the offerings made by fire of the fat, to wave it for a wave offering before the LORD; and it shall be thine, and thy sons' with thee, by a statute for ever; as the LORD hath commanded.
16And Moses diligently sought the goat of the sin offering, and, behold, it was burnt: and he was angry with Eleazar and Ithamar, the sons of Aaron which were left alive, saying,

Oh no! The burnt offering has been overcooked......Two lads were killed that's OK but burn Moses dinner ???

17Wherefore have ye not eaten the sin offering in the holy place, seeing it is most holy, and God hath given it you to bear the iniquity of the congregation, to make atonement for them before the LORD?
18Behold, the blood of it was not brought in within the holy place: ye should indeed have eaten it in the holy place, as I commanded.
19And Aaron said unto Moses, Behold, this day have they offered their sin offering and their burnt offering before the LORD; and such things have befallen me: and if I had eaten the sin offering to day, should it have been accepted in the sight of the LORD?

Another interpretation of this is
19 Then Aaron answered Moses, “Today my sons presented both their sin offering and their burnt offering to the Lord. And yet this tragedy has happened to me. If I had eaten the people’s sin offering on such a tragic day as this, would the Lord have been pleased?” 20 And when Moses heard this, he was satisfied. 20And when Moses heard that, he was content.

Another way of reading it is

Your god is bollocks and has no effect on anything.

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