Monday, 14 July 2008

Exodus Recap

Just to break up the Lawgiving and because I thought it's about time here's another recap.
So far we have learned that god is not worth a wank.
We have learned that he is at best a loosely based amalgam of sadistic senile psychopaths at worst a totally fictional character utilised as an excuse for the "followers" of god to be sadistic senile psychopaths.
Oh! and forgetful don't forget forgetful.
We have seen how the "chosen" people had settled in egypt and been told(No matter of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary) how their lives over generations degraded into slavery, but the still have gold and silver so must have been the richest slaves in history.
We are then introduced to a character whose birth and early years mirrors a real historical figure from about 1,000 years earlier, Sargon of Accad.
We are told how after committing murder or at least manslaughter, Moses goes on the run, meets(in the family fashion at the local watering hole) his wife to be.
Her father , who also happens to be
a midianite priest is nearby.An average man hardly mentioned, although he manages to change his name from Ruel to Jethro in record time allows the by now old man Moses to marry his daughter.
Then we are told that Moses is spoken to by a burning bush and taught how to do simple conjuring tricks to impress the pharoah.
Who incidently remains unimpressed.
At this time the priest, Jethro is conspicuous in his absence.
Real History then interjects with the successive plagues.
Moses then un-succesively claims his invisible friend is responsible with the message ............let my people go or else !
HE'S JUST A POOR BOY, FROM A POOR FAMILY SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY easy come, easy go, will you let me go Bismillah! NO! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO Bismillah! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO! Bismillah! We WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO! Will not let you go Let me go Will not let you go Let me go
Apologies to Freddie and Queen
Huge Eruption
and no that wasn't Freddie plague
Moses jumping up and down like a epileptic Kangaroo going godidit,godidit,
Pharoah finally relents and Moses takes his people to the seaside.
Pharoah then relents his relenting and gives chase after them, although outnumbered allegedly by........ just counting only men........1,000 to one.
Just men, Not counting goats,cows,children,lice,fleas oh and of course women.
But they were saved by god as they would have been massacred with odds like that.
They know no Isrealites were killed during the plagues and the tidal wave because they had a head count afterwards and all the survivors were there.
The troupe then get lost in the desert and although we are told time and again that they have goats cows children etc. god is forced to save them from starvation by sending them all manner of manna.
Just after Moses "miraculously" finds some water, they also then find some people to fight with, not connected at all.
Somehow Jethro manages to find the lost legion,then to EVERY BODIES surprise three days later god shows himself accompanied by trumpets,fire and smoke.
Today there would be lasers and inflatables too.
Perhaps Scoobie and Shaggy would get to the bottom of it but three thousand years later people believe god really appeared and god gave Moses ten commandments.
Yeah Right!
Jethro then says K Bye Thanx
Moses sprouts laws

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