1And God spake all these words, saying,
2I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
Because I am so impressive you may have forgotten who I am
3Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
So god says there are other gods and his insecurity says they may be more impressive and worthy of worship than himself
4Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
That'll have the statue carvers union out on strike also makes the Masons position a bit dubious. And what about snowmen that's not going to affect people in the middle east but surely even the Phelps kids made snowmen. And I won't even mention the catholics oops too late !The list is endless, dildo manufacturers, toy makers, modelmakers photographers where will it end ?
5Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
Didn't he cover that with the first one when he said no other gods before him ?
And while we are there. Sorry kids you're fucked !
6And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
Is that not saying do as I say, or else ?
7Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
Does he mean the name JHVH ? What a cunt!
8Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
What ? even if you're paid double time ?
9Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
I work continental shifts four on four off......... fuck I am doomed
10But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
I thought he covered that already, then I noticed this is the cop out so the wife can do the housework and cook dinner.
11For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
There we are again subtle hints that god's wife or god's mum cooked his sabbath dinner for him while he rested
12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
I thought they were still in the desert, if that's the land he's given them, well I see plenty of family arguments
13Thou shalt not kill.
Maybe, just maybe, if this commandment had been first, people may have paid it a bit more attention, rather than getting stuck on the first one and killing anyone of a different faith !
14Thou shalt not commit adultery.
How else were people supposed to procreate before formalised marriages were brought to them ?
15Thou shalt not steal.
I won't comment on this one for a while but I think I might have reason to bring it up in future once or twice.
16Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
Unless of course you can afford to pay other's to back up your lies.
17Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
So no keeping up with the Jones'es, no wanting to better your lot.Hang on isn't that what got them there in the first place ?
18And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off.
When all else fails rely on a smoke screen, something utilised right up to the present day by politicians and religious leaders.
19And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die.
20And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not.
21And the people stood afar off, and Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was.
22And the LORD said unto Moses, Thus thou shalt say unto the children of Israel, Ye have seen that I have talked with you from heaven.
23Ye shall not make with me gods of silver, neither shall ye make unto you gods of gold.
Repeating himself again, bugger that alzheimers !
Is it me or without the repetition or rephrasing there a a few less than 10 commandments?
24An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sheep, and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.
25And if thou wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of hewn stone: for if thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou hast polluted it.26Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon.
I was going to refrain from making the tool penis analogy but there, for no apparent reason, right there, in the next verse is a naked reference. See, It's not just my mind.