Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Exodus 29

Exodus 29

1And this is the thing that thou shalt do unto them to hallow them, to minister unto me in the priest's office: Take one young bullock, and two rams without blemish,

Having fleeced them all, of their finery, I'll bet you're thinking Ah! he's not such a bad old tyrant he's gonna throw a barbecue party.Unless you're a gay welshman then you may have different thoughts about the rams.

2And unleavened bread, and cakes unleavened tempered with oil, and wafers unleavened anointed with oil: of wheaten flour shalt thou make them.

Sounds like the beginnings of a first class feast.

3And thou shalt put them into one basket, and bring them in the basket, with the bullock and the two rams.

4And Aaron and his sons thou shalt bring unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and shalt wash them with water.

Why am I thinking this is yet another con ?

5And thou shalt take the garments, and put upon Aaron the coat, and the robe of the ephod, and the ephod, and the breastplate, and gird him with the curious girdle of the ephod:

6And thou shalt put the mitre upon his head, and put the holy crown upon the mitre.

Yep gotta look you best when you're conning someone.

7Then shalt thou take the anointing oil, and pour it upon his head, and anoint him.

8And thou shalt bring his sons, and put coats upon them.

9And thou shalt gird them with girdles, Aaron and his sons, and put the bonnets on them: and the priest's office shall be theirs for a perpetual statute: and thou shalt consecrate Aaron and his sons.

10And thou shalt cause a bullock to be brought before the tabernacle of the congregation: and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the bullock.

Bullock..... Bullocks indeed.

11And thou shalt kill the bullock before the LORD, by the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

12And thou shalt take of the blood of the bullock, and put it upon the horns of the altar with thy finger, and pour all the blood beside the bottom of the altar.

13And thou shalt take all the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul that is above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and burn them upon the altar.

14But the flesh of the bullock, and his skin, and his dung, shalt thou burn with fire without the camp: it is a sin offering.

15Thou shalt also take one ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.

16And thou shalt slay the ram, and thou shalt take his blood, and sprinkle it round about upon the altar.

17And thou shalt cut the ram in pieces, and wash the inwards of him, and his legs, and put them unto his pieces, and unto his head.

18And thou shalt burn the whole ram upon the altar: it is a burnt offering unto the LORD: it is a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

19And thou shalt take the other ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.

20Then shalt thou kill the ram, and take of his blood, and put it upon the tip of the right ear of Aaron, and upon the tip of the right ear of his sons, and upon the thumb of their right hand, and upon the great toe of their right foot, and sprinkle the blood upon the altar round about.

21And thou shalt take of the blood that is upon the altar, and of the anointing oil, and sprinkle it upon Aaron, and upon his garments, and upon his sons, and upon the garments of his sons with him: and he shall be hallowed, and his garments, and his sons, and his sons' garments with him.

22Also thou shalt take of the ram the fat and the rump, and the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and the right shoulder; for it is a ram of consecration:

23And one loaf of bread, and one cake of oiled bread, and one wafer out of the basket of the unleavened bread that is before the LORD:

24And thou shalt put all in the hands of Aaron, and in the hands of his sons; and shalt wave them for a wave offering before the LORD.

25And thou shalt receive them of their hands, and burn them upon the altar for a burnt offering, for a sweet savour before the LORD: it is an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

26And thou shalt take the breast of the ram of Aaron's consecration, and wave it for a wave offering before the LORD: and it shall be thy part.

27And thou shalt sanctify the breast of the wave offering, and the shoulder of the heave offering, which is waved, and which is heaved up, of the ram of the consecration, even of that which is for Aaron, and of that which is for his sons:

28And it shall be Aaron's and his sons' by a statute for ever from the children of Israel: for it is an heave offering: and it shall be an heave offering from the children of Israel of the sacrifice of their peace offerings, even their heave offering unto the LORD.

I have to admit I am stumped by this "Heave" offering. Heave to me means to pull,lift or vomit there are other meanings but are mostly variations on a theme so does it mean it's lifted up or thrown up ? I should add that, to get to the bottom of this I read several different translations they all gave the translation "heave" except for, that is, no doubt for a perfectly good reason the New Living Testament gave the translation as "Peace" offering.

29And the holy garments of Aaron shall be his sons' after him, to be anointed therein, and to be consecrated in them.

30And that son that is priest in his stead shall put them on seven days, when he cometh into the tabernacle of the congregation to minister in the holy place.

31And thou shalt take the ram of the consecration, and seethe his flesh in the holy place.

32And Aaron and his sons shall eat the flesh of the ram, and the bread that is in the basket by the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

33And they shall eat those things wherewith the atonement was made, to consecrate and to sanctify them: but a stranger shall not eat thereof, because they are holy.

34And if ought of the flesh of the consecrations, or of the bread, remain unto the morning, then thou shalt burn the remainder with fire: it shall not be eaten, because it is holy.

35And thus shalt thou do unto Aaron, and to his sons, according to all things which I have commanded thee: seven days shalt thou consecrate them.

36And thou shalt offer every day a bullock for a sin offering for atonement: and thou shalt cleanse the altar, when thou hast made an atonement for it, and thou shalt anoint it, to sanctify it.

37Seven days thou shalt make an atonement for the altar, and sanctify it; and it shall be an altar most holy: whatsoever toucheth the altar shall be holy.

38Now this is that which thou shalt offer upon the altar; two lambs of the first year day by day continually.

39The one lamb thou shalt offer in the morning; and the other lamb thou shalt offer at even:

40And with the one lamb a tenth deal of flour mingled with the fourth part of an hin of beaten oil; and the fourth part of an hin of wine for a drink offering.

41And the other lamb thou shalt offer at even, and shalt do thereto according to the meat offering of the morning, and according to the drink offering thereof, for a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

42This shall be a continual burnt offering throughout your generations at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation before the LORD: where I will meet you, to speak there unto thee.

43And there I will meet with the children of Israel, and the tabernacle shall be sanctified by my glory.

44And I will sanctify the tabernacle of the congregation, and the altar: I will sanctify also both Aaron and his sons, to minister to me in the priest's office.

45And I will dwell among the children of Israel, and will be their God.

46And they shall know that I am the LORD their God, that brought them forth out of the land of Egypt, that I may dwell among them: I am the LORD their God.

If you ask me they are taking the piss, I could understand the building of the ark and it's "temple" on the grounds of inspiring community and duty, not to mention just occupying the people but c'mon what is the point of all this apart from to say to the subdued masses we're in charge and we can do what we want. You are now the slave class you thought you were back in egypt.

Sunday, 27 July 2008

Exodus 28

Exodus 28

In saying that, it seems that the whole family is invited to the "big" tent.

1And take thou unto thee Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him, from among the children of Israel, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office, even Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar, Aaron's sons.

2And thou shalt make holy garments for Aaron thy brother for glory and for beauty.

I am beginning to wonder.... Is Brothers the proper title for Moses and Aarons relationship ? In all my life I have never worried about how my brother dresses himself, but my lover's well !

3And thou shalt speak unto all that are wise hearted, whom I have filled with the spirit of wisdom, that they may make Aaron's garments to consecrate him, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office.

Yet another bible verse no doubt used by catholic priests and lately in an alarming but inceasing fashion, baptist ministers. To lure the young and innocent.

4And these are the garments which they shall make; a breastplate, and an ephod, and a robe, and a broidered coat, a mitre, and a girdle: and they shall make holy garments for Aaron thy brother, and his sons, that he may minister unto me in the priest's office.

5And they shall take gold, and blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen.

6And they shall make the ephod of gold, of blue, and of purple, of scarlet, and fine twined linen, with cunning work.

7It shall have the two shoulderpieces thereof joined at the two edges thereof; and so it shall be joined together.

8And the curious girdle of the ephod, which is upon it, shall be of the same, according to the work thereof; even of gold, of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen.

9And thou shalt take two onyx stones, and grave on them the names of the children of Israel:

10Six of their names on one stone, and the other six names of the rest on the other stone, according to their birth.

11With the work of an engraver in stone, like the engravings of a signet, shalt thou engrave the two stones with the names of the children of Israel: thou shalt make them to be set in ouches of gold.

12And thou shalt put the two stones upon the shoulders of the ephod for stones of memorial unto the children of Israel: and Aaron shall bear their names before the LORD upon his two shoulders for a memorial.

13And thou shalt make ouches of gold;

14And two chains of pure gold at the ends; of wreathen work shalt thou make them, and fasten the wreathen chains to the ouches.

15And thou shalt make the breastplate of judgment with cunning work; after the work of the ephod thou shalt make it; of gold, of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, and of fine twined linen, shalt thou make it.

16Foursquare it shall be being doubled; a span shall be the length thereof, and a span shall be the breadth thereof.

17And thou shalt set in it settings of stones, even four rows of stones: the first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and a carbuncle: this shall be the first row.

18And the second row shall be an emerald, a sapphire, and a diamond.

19And the third row a ligure, an agate, and an amethyst.

20And the fourth row a beryl, and an onyx, and a jasper: they shall be set in gold in their inclosings.

21And the stones shall be with the names of the children of Israel, twelve, according to their names, like the engravings of a signet; every one with his name shall they be according to the twelve tribes.

22And thou shalt make upon the breastplate chains at the ends of wreathen work of pure gold.

23And thou shalt make upon the breastplate two rings of gold, and shalt put the two rings on the two ends of the breastplate.

24And thou shalt put the two wreathen chains of gold in the two rings which are on the ends of the breastplate.

25And the other two ends of the two wreathen chains thou shalt fasten in the two ouches, and put them on the shoulderpieces of the ephod before it.

26And thou shalt make two rings of gold, and thou shalt put them upon the two ends of the breastplate in the border thereof, which is in the side of the ephod inward.

27And two other rings of gold thou shalt make, and shalt put them on the two sides of the ephod underneath, toward the forepart thereof, over against the other coupling thereof, above the curious girdle of the ephod.

28And they shall bind the breastplate by the rings thereof unto the rings of the ephod with a lace of blue, that it may be above the curious girdle of the ephod, and that the breastplate be not loosed from the ephod.

29And Aaron shall bear the names of the children of Israel in the breastplate of judgment upon his heart, when he goeth in unto the holy place, for a memorial before the LORD continually.

30And thou shalt put in the breastplate of judgment the Urim and the Thummim; and they shall be upon Aaron's heart, when he goeth in before the LORD: and Aaron shall bear the judgment of the children of Israel upon his heart before the LORD continually.

31And thou shalt make the robe of the ephod all of blue.

32And there shall be an hole in the top of it, in the midst thereof: it shall have a binding of woven work round about the hole of it, as it were the hole of an habergeon, that it be not rent.

33And beneath upon the hem of it thou shalt make pomegranates of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, round about the hem thereof; and bells of gold between them round about:

34A golden bell and a pomegranate, a golden bell and a pomegranate, upon the hem of the robe round about.

35And it shall be upon Aaron to minister: and his sound shall be heard when he goeth in unto the holy place before the LORD, and when he cometh out, that he die not.

36And thou shalt make a plate of pure gold, and grave upon it, like the engravings of a signet, HOLINESS TO THE LORD.

37And thou shalt put it on a blue lace, that it may be upon the mitre; upon the forefront of the mitre it shall be.

38And it shall be upon Aaron's forehead, that Aaron may bear the iniquity of the holy things, which the children of Israel shall hallow in all their holy gifts; and it shall be always upon his forehead, that they may be accepted before the LORD.

39And thou shalt embroider the coat of fine linen, and thou shalt make the mitre of fine linen, and thou shalt make the girdle of needlework.

40And for Aaron's sons thou shalt make coats, and thou shalt make for them girdles, and bonnets shalt thou make for them, for glory and for beauty.

41And thou shalt put them upon Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him; and shalt anoint them, and consecrate them, and sanctify them, that they may minister unto me in the priest's office.

42And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach:

Heyy! Magic underpants....... with the magical power of stopping dangly bits dangling.

43And they shall be upon Aaron, and upon his sons, when they come in unto the tabernacle of the congregation, or when they come near unto the altar to minister in the holy place; that they bear not iniquity, and die: it shall be a statute for ever unto him and his seed after him.

If god is
All- seeing
All- powerful, and he apparently has such a gold fetish.
Why did he not make more of it ?

Exodus 27

Moses gets them to put a nice fence round Jethro's house

1And thou shalt make an altar of shittim wood, five cubits long, and five cubits broad; the altar shall be foursquare: and the height thereof shall be three cubits.

2And thou shalt make the horns of it upon the four corners thereof: his horns shall be of the same: and thou shalt overlay it with brass.

3And thou shalt make his pans to receive his ashes, and his shovels, and his basons, and his fleshhooks, and his firepans: all the vessels thereof thou shalt make of brass.

4And thou shalt make for it a grate of network of brass; and upon the net shalt thou make four brasen rings in the four corners thereof.

5And thou shalt put it under the compass of the altar beneath, that the net may be even to the midst of the altar.

6And thou shalt make staves for the altar, staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with brass.

7And the staves shall be put into the rings, and the staves shall be upon the two sides of the altar, to bear it.

8Hollow with boards shalt thou make it: as it was shewed thee in the mount, so shall they make it.

9And thou shalt make the court of the tabernacle: for the south side southward there shall be hangings for the court of fine twined linen of an hundred cubits long for one side:

10And the twenty pillars thereof and their twenty sockets shall be of brass; the hooks of the pillars and their fillets shall be of silver.

11And likewise for the north side in length there shall be hangings of an hundred cubits long, and his twenty pillars and their twenty sockets of brass; the hooks of the pillars and their fillets of silver.

12And for the breadth of the court on the west side shall be hangings of fifty cubits: their pillars ten, and their sockets ten.

13And the breadth of the court on the east side eastward shall be fifty cubits.

14The hangings of one side of the gate shall be fifteen cubits: their pillars three, and their sockets three.

15And on the other side shall be hangings fifteen cubits: their pillars three, and their sockets three.

16And for the gate of the court shall be an hanging of twenty cubits, of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen, wrought with needlework: and their pillars shall be four, and their sockets four.

17All the pillars round about the court shall be filleted with silver; their hooks shall be of silver, and their sockets of brass.

18The length of the court shall be an hundred cubits, and the breadth fifty every where, and the height five cubits of fine twined linen, and their sockets of brass.

19All the vessels of the tabernacle in all the service thereof, and all the pins thereof, and all the pins of the court, shall be of brass.

20And thou shalt command the children of Israel, that they bring thee pure oil olive beaten for the light, to cause the lamp to burn always.

21In the tabernacle of the congregation without the vail, which is before the testimony, Aaron and his sons shall order it from evening to morning before the LORD: it shall be a statute for ever unto their generations on the behalf of the children of Israel.
I so want to ridicule this but I can't . Yes I have no doubt that either Moses, Aaron or Jethro benefited immensely from this endeavour, but I also accept It would have helped focus the Israelites, giving them a common cause and at its completion communal ownership and a focal point.

Exodus 26

Moses makes the Israelites knit a temple tent for the Ark

1Moreover thou shalt make the tabernacle with ten curtains of fine twined linen, and blue, and purple, and scarlet: with cherubims of cunning work shalt thou make them.

2The length of one curtain shall be eight and twenty cubits, and the breadth of one curtain four cubits: and every one of the curtains shall have one measure.

What ? That's an awful lot of curtain. 28 cubits long, Noahs ark was only 30 cubits high. And they are making ten of them, OK finding them something to do is one thing but this is just taking the piss !

3The five curtains shall be coupled together one to another; and other five curtains shall be coupled one to another.

4And thou shalt make loops of blue upon the edge of the one curtain from the selvedge in the coupling; and likewise shalt thou make in the uttermost edge of another curtain, in the coupling of the second.

5Fifty loops shalt thou make in the one curtain, and fifty loops shalt thou make in the edge of the curtain that is in the coupling of the second; that the loops may take hold one of another.

6And thou shalt make fifty taches of gold, and couple the curtains together with the taches: and it shall be one tabernacle.

7And thou shalt make curtains of goats' hair to be a covering upon the tabernacle: eleven curtains shalt thou make.

8The length of one curtain shall be thirty cubits, and the breadth of one curtain four cubits: and the eleven curtains shall be all of one measure.

9And thou shalt couple five curtains by themselves, and six curtains by themselves, and shalt double the sixth curtain in the forefront of the tabernacle.

10And thou shalt make fifty loops on the edge of the one curtain that is outmost in the coupling, and fifty loops in the edge of the curtain which coupleth the second.

11And thou shalt make fifty taches of brass, and put the taches into the loops, and couple the tent together, that it may be one.

12And the remnant that remaineth of the curtains of the tent, the half curtain that remaineth, shall hang over the backside of the tabernacle.

13And a cubit on the one side, and a cubit on the other side of that which remaineth in the length of the curtains of the tent, it shall hang over the sides of the tabernacle on this side and on that side, to cover it.

14And thou shalt make a covering for the tent of rams' skins dyed red, and a covering above of badgers' skins.

15And thou shalt make boards for the tabernacle of shittim wood standing up.

16Ten cubits shall be the length of a board, and a cubit and a half shall be the breadth of one board.

17Two tenons shall there be in one board, set in order one against another: thus shalt thou make for all the boards of the tabernacle.

18And thou shalt make the boards for the tabernacle, twenty boards on the south side southward.

19And thou shalt make forty sockets of silver under the twenty boards; two sockets under one board for his two tenons, and two sockets under another board for his two tenons.

20And for the second side of the tabernacle on the north side there shall be twenty boards:

21And their forty sockets of silver; two sockets under one board, and two sockets under another board.

22And for the sides of the tabernacle westward thou shalt make six boards.

23And two boards shalt thou make for the corners of the tabernacle in the two sides.

24And they shall be coupled together beneath, and they shall be coupled together above the head of it unto one ring: thus shall it be for them both; they shall be for the two corners.

25And they shall be eight boards, and their sockets of silver, sixteen sockets; two sockets under one board, and two sockets under another board.

26And thou shalt make bars of shittim wood; five for the boards of the one side of the tabernacle,

27And five bars for the boards of the other side of the tabernacle, and five bars for the boards of the side of the tabernacle, for the two sides westward.

28And the middle bar in the midst of the boards shall reach from end to end.

29And thou shalt overlay the boards with gold, and make their rings of gold for places for the bars: and thou shalt overlay the bars with gold.

30And thou shalt rear up the tabernacle according to the fashion thereof which was shewed thee in the mount.

31And thou shalt make a vail of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen of cunning work: with cherubims shall it be made:

32And thou shalt hang it upon four pillars of shittim wood overlaid with gold: their hooks shall be of gold, upon the four sockets of silver.

33And thou shalt hang up the vail under the taches, that thou mayest bring in thither within the vail the ark of the testimony: and the vail shall divide unto you between the holy place and the most holy.

34And thou shalt put the mercy seat upon the ark of the testimony in the most holy place.

35And thou shalt set the table without the vail, and the candlestick over against the table on the side of the tabernacle toward the south: and thou shalt put the table on the north side.

36And thou shalt make an hanging for the door of the tent, of blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine twined linen, wrought with needlework.

37And thou shalt make for the hanging five pillars of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold, and their hooks shall be of gold: and thou shalt cast five sockets of brass for them.
There's not much to say on this, like the construction of the Ark itself it is overly decadent but for occupying the people and giving them a reason to be, the psychology is sound.
Jethro was a very clever man!

It just so happens that he had a very luxurious tent built for him.

Friday, 25 July 2008

Exodus 25

Exodus 25

1And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying.

For the purposes of this era feel free of course to substitute the name Jethro for lord unless you can make scheming con artist into the dialogue.

2Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring me an offering: of every man that giveth it willingly with his heart ye shall take my offering.

3And this is the offering which ye shall take of them; gold, and silver, and brass,

4And blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen, and goats' hair,

5And rams' skins dyed red, and badgers' skins, and shittim wood,

6Oil for the light, spices for anointing oil, and for sweet incense,

7Onyx stones, and stones to be set in the ephod, and in the breastplate.

8And let them make me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them.

A wealth of possessions, especially for former slaves, did they steal them, were they "spoils of war" from the battle with Amelek and his people at Rephidim ?

9According to all that I shew thee, after the pattern of the tabernacle, and the pattern of all the instruments thereof, even so shall ye make it.

Now, The text tells us for a change in great detail how they constructed the Ark of the Covenent.

10And they shall make an ark of shittim wood: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.

11And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, within and without shalt thou overlay it, and shalt make upon it a crown of gold round about.

12And thou shalt cast four rings of gold for it, and put them in the four corners thereof; and two rings shall be in the one side of it, and two rings in the other side of it.

13And thou shalt make staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold.

14And thou shalt put the staves into the rings by the sides of the ark, that the ark may be borne with them.

15The staves shall be in the rings of the ark: they shall not be taken from it.

Now let us look at the construct from a different point of view.

Make a box from an insulating material.

Cover it inside and out with a conductive material.

Give it fixtures so insulated handles can be attached, so it can be moved without touching it directly.

This, in laymens terms is basically what is now known as a Leyden Jar or its more modern counterpart a capacitor.

You may want to read this

16And thou shalt put into the ark the testimony which I shall give thee.

17And thou shalt make a mercy seat of pure gold: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof.

18And thou shalt make two cherubims of gold, of beaten work shalt thou make them, in the two ends of the mercy seat.

19And make one cherub on the one end, and the other cherub on the other end: even of the mercy seat shall ye make the cherubims on the two ends thereof.

20And the cherubims shall stretch forth their wings on high, covering the mercy seat with their wings, and their faces shall look one to another; toward the mercy seat shall the faces of the cherubims be.

21And thou shalt put the mercy seat above upon the ark; and in the ark thou shalt put the testimony that I shall give thee.

22And there I will meet with thee, and I will commune with thee from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubims which are upon the ark of the testimony, of all things which I will give thee in commandment unto the children of Israel.

Strange no mention of two tin cans and a piece of string.

Or perhaps the cherubims are the tin cans and its only the string missing ?

Umm Exodus 20 v4: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."

For that matter what about thou shalt not steal, lie, etc. How many of the ten commandments were broken in the commandeering and building of the ark and ancillaries ?

23Thou shalt also make a table of shittim wood: two cubits shall be the length thereof, and a cubit the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.

24And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, and make thereto a crown of gold round about.

25And thou shalt make unto it a border of an hand breadth round about, and thou shalt make a golden crown to the border thereof round about.

26And thou shalt make for it four rings of gold, and put the rings in the four corners that are on the four feet thereof.

27Over against the border shall the rings be for places of the staves to bear the table.

Ok, Ok! Enough is enough, the ark body itself I can understand the use of gold( it can be beaten really thin to cover a large surface area) but a chair, table and snuff trays, that is just sheer decadence. For a religion that prides itself (allegedly) for giving hope to the poor why does it need them to be bled dry.

Perhaps once all physical hope is gone you can only turn to the supernatural, fuck these midianite priests could teach modern psychologists a thing or two about mind control, even Scientology comes up a long way behind.

28And thou shalt make the staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold, that the table may be borne with them.

29And thou shalt make the dishes thereof, and spoons thereof, and covers thereof, and bowls thereof, to cover withal: of pure gold shalt thou make them.

30And thou shalt set upon the table shewbread before me alway.

31And thou shalt make a candlestick of pure gold: of beaten work shall the candlestick be made: his shaft, and his branches, his bowls, his knops, and his flowers, shall be of the same.

32And six branches shall come out of the sides of it; three branches of the candlestick out of the one side, and three branches of the candlestick out of the other side:

33Three bowls made like unto almonds, with a knop and a flower in one branch; and three bowls made like almonds in the other branch, with a knop and a flower: so in the six branches that come out of the candlestick.

34And in the candlesticks shall be four bowls made like unto almonds, with their knops and their flowers.

35And there shall be a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, according to the six branches that proceed out of the candlestick.

36Their knops and their branches shall be of the same: all it shall be one beaten work of pure gold.

37And thou shalt make the seven lamps thereof: and they shall light the lamps thereof, that they may give light over against it.

38And the tongs thereof, and the snuffdishes thereof, shall be of pure gold.

Snuff dishes are not dishes for taking snuff or some other sniffable drug but are for snuffing lamps

39Of a talent of pure gold shall he make it, with all these vessels.

40And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.

Great ! The refugees are stuck at the foot of a mountain now having to support a parasitical hierarchy , while Moses and his acolytes are fleecing them of their worldly goods to make a box, a table, some candlesticks and associated tools.
It's probably good psychology to give the otherwise aimless people direction, Just a bonus that it removed valuble commodities from people one question remains to be asked .....Was all given utilised in the constructions or did "god" take his 10% ?

Sunday, 20 July 2008

Exodus 24

Exodus 24

1And he said unto Moses, Come up unto the LORD, thou, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel; and worship ye afar off.

Which is to say fuck off peasants, we have some scheming to do.

2And Moses alone shall come near the LORD: but they shall not come nigh; neither shall the people go up with him.

3And Moses came and told the people all the words of the LORD, and all the judgments: and all the people answered with one voice, and said, All the words which the LORD hath said will we do.

4And Moses wrote all the words of the LORD, and rose up early in the morning, and builded an altar under the hill, and twelve pillars, according to the twelve tribes of Israel.

Still with the erections.

Seriously tho' are we sure yhvh is pronounced jehova or yar wey could it not just as easily been Shiva

5And he sent young men of the children of Israel, which offered burnt offerings, and sacrificed peace offerings of oxen unto the LORD.

Oh pity the starving millions.

6And Moses took half of the blood, and put it in basons; and half of the blood he sprinkled on the altar.

Is he going to make some black pudding ?

7And he took the book of the covenant, and read in the audience of the people: and they said, All that the LORD hath said will we do, and be obedient.

8And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people, and said, Behold the blood of the covenant, which the LORD hath made with you concerning all these words.

I thought that was supposed to be a satanic ritual. Have them christians been lying ? Oh no, we haven't been introduced to Satan yet the serpent in Eden was just a serpent.

9Then went up Moses, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel:

10And they saw the God of Israel: and there was under his feet as it were a paved work of a sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in his clearness.

Some strong hallucinogenic there or a slight stretching of the truth.

11And upon the nobles of the children of Israel he laid not his hand: also they saw God, and did eat and drink.

Yay space cake and shrooms washed down with a nice chianti

12And the LORD said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.

13And Moses rose up, and his minister Joshua: and Moses went up into the mount of God.

14And he said unto the elders, Tarry ye here for us, until we come again unto you: and, behold, Aaron and Hur are with you: if any man have any matters to do, let him come unto them.

15And Moses went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount.

Hey man he's got some serious toking to do if he wants to see god.

16And the glory of the LORD abode upon mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days: and the seventh day he called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud.

Honest guv ! Oh and Jethro's nowhere to be seen and again, Honest guv !

17And the sight of the glory of the LORD was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of Israel.

18And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.

Carving all those laws must have taken a while no wonder they didn't use vowels.

Saturday, 19 July 2008

Exodus 23

Exodus 23

This starts with an attempt at justice.
1Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness.
2Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil; neither shalt thou speak in a cause to decline after many to wrest judgment:
3Neither shalt thou countenance a poor man in his cause.
4If thou meet thine enemy's ox or his ass going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again.
5If thou see the ass of him that hateth thee lying under his burden, and wouldest forbear to help him, thou shalt surely help with him.
6Thou shalt not wrest the judgment of thy poor in his cause.
This seems to be saying no matter if a man is poor or your enemy he deserves respect and justice, are they at last getting the idea of a society.

7Keep thee far from a false matter; and the innocent and righteous slay thou not: for I will not justify the wicked.

Innocent and Righteous !! remember that.

8And thou shalt take no gift: for the gift blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous.

No Bribes.

9Also thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.

See verses 23 and 24 !

10And six years thou shalt sow thy land, and shalt gather in the fruits thereof:

11But the seventh year thou shalt let it rest and lie still; that the poor of thy people may eat: and what they leave the beasts of the field shall eat. In like manner thou shalt deal with thy vineyard, and with thy oliveyard.

They gonna start farming the desert now ? Does peyote grow out in the arse end of Egypt/Israel/Palestine ? I know they aint gonna grow olives or grapes out there.

12Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed.

13And in all things that I have said unto you be circumspect: and make no mention of the name of other gods, neither let it be heard out of thy mouth.

14Three times thou shalt keep a feast unto me in the year.

15Thou shalt keep the feast of unleavened bread: (thou shalt eat unleavened bread seven days, as I commanded thee, in the time appointed of the month Abib; for in it thou camest out from Egypt: and none shall appear before me empty:)

16And the feast of harvest, the firstfruits of thy labours, which thou hast sown in the field: and the feast of ingathering, which is in the end of the year, when thou hast gathered in thy labours out of the field.

17Three times in the year all thy males shall appear before the LORD God.

That'll be males only, are they meeting at a gay bar ?

cue Electric 6

18Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread; neither shall the fat of my sacrifice remain until the morning.

19The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring into the house of the LORD thy God. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.


20Behold, I send an Angel before thee, to keep thee in the way, and to bring thee into the place which I have prepared.

21Beware of him, and obey his voice, provoke him not; for he will not pardon your transgressions: for my name is in him.

22But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto thine adversaries.

23For mine Angel shall go before thee, and bring thee in unto the Amorites, and the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites: and I will cut them off.

24Thou shalt not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do after their works: but thou shalt utterly overthrow them, and quite break down their images.

What was that bit earlier about not oppressing strangers ?

25And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.

26There shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil.

27I will send my fear before thee, and will destroy all the people to whom thou shalt come, and I will make all thine enemies turn their backs unto thee.

28And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite, from before thee.

Are the afore mentioned not strangers ?

29I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee.

Is the almighty admitting a weakness here ?

30By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.

Here we are over 3,000 years later and he still hasn't managed it, why do people fear him ?

31And I will set thy bounds from the Red sea even unto the sea of the Philistines, and from the desert unto the river: for I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hand; and thou shalt drive them out before thee.

Really ! It's like me wishing to spend a week with half a dozen playboy models, I can wish all I want, but it ain't gonna happen !

32Thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor with their gods.

Gods again !

33They shall not dwell in thy land, lest they make thee sin against me: for if thou serve their gods, it will surely be a snare unto thee.
This ones true ! by sharing the same land they make the Israelites descendants kill and maim many innocents.

Friday, 18 July 2008

Exodus 22

Exodus 22

So the first few laws were about the owning of human beings, ranging from contracted service through to outright slavery with more laws about protecting the slave owners rights, rather than protecting PEOPLE from abusive masters.
The next set is about thieves. theft and personal properties. Considering the Israelites allegedly were slaves till recent events this just underlines the fact they must have been the most prosperous slaves in history, and also raises the question, if they saw thier slavery as so wrong why do they feel it is alright to enslave others.
Slaves in more recent history didn't even own the clothes on their backs.

1If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep.
2If a thief be found breaking up, and be smitten that he die, there shall no blood be shed for him.
3If the sun be risen upon him, there shall be blood shed for him; for he should make full restitution; if he have nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft.
4If the theft be certainly found in his hand alive, whether it be ox, or ass, or sheep; he shall restore double.
5If a man shall cause a field or vineyard to be eaten, and shall put in his beast, and shall feed in another man's field; of the best of his own field, and of the best of his own vineyard, shall he make restitution.
6If fire break out, and catch in thorns, so that the stacks of corn, or the standing corn, or the field, be consumed therewith; he that kindled the fire shall surely make restitution.
7If a man shall deliver unto his neighbour money or stuff to keep, and it be stolen out of the man's house; if the thief be found, let him pay double.
8If the thief be not found, then the master of the house shall be brought unto the judges, to see whether he have put his hand unto his neighbour's goods.
9For all manner of trespass, whether it be for ox, for ass, for sheep, for raiment, or for any manner of lost thing which another challengeth to be his, the cause of both parties shall come before the judges; and whom the judges shall condemn, he shall pay double unto his neighbour.
10If a man deliver unto his neighbour an ass, or an ox, or a sheep, or any beast, to keep; and it die, or be hurt, or driven away, no man seeing it:
11Then shall an oath of the LORD be between them both, that he hath not put his hand unto his neighbour's goods; and the owner of it shall accept thereof, and he shall not make it good.
12And if it be stolen from him, he shall make restitution unto the owner thereof.
13If it be torn in pieces, then let him bring it for witness, and he shall not make good that which was torn.
14And if a man borrow ought of his neighbour, and it be hurt, or die, the owner thereof being not with it, he shall surely make it good.
15But if the owner thereof be with it, he shall not make it good: if it be an hired thing, it came for his hire.
16And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.
17If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

Still on women as a possession then.
Now a change of tack.

18Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
The above line in itself responsible for MILLIONS of church sanctioned ritual tortures and murders from the 15th century. Sanctioned by the not so innocent pope Innocent the eighth in his Malleus maleficarum and unfortunately occasionally still occurring today. And it's a mis-translation a more accurate translation would be "thou shalt not suffer a POISONER to live". But is still translated a sorceress(nlt)

19Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.

Does this even apply in Wales, Australia and New Zealand

20He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed.

Still more evidence for more gods.

21Thou shalt neither vex a stranger, nor oppress him: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.
22Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child.
23If thou afflict them in any wise, and they cry at all unto me, I will surely hear their cry;

Has god had his ears cleaned out ?

24And my wrath shall wax hot, and I will kill you with the sword; and your wives shall be widows, and your children fatherless.

That'll be hot earwax then. But what does an alpowerful diety need with a sword ? Zeus or Thor would have used a thunderbolt, Odin and and others an earthquake not that powerful in the gods then is old yhvh.

25If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.
26If thou at all take thy neighbour's raiment to pledge, thou shalt deliver it unto him by that the sun goeth down:
27For that is his covering only, it is his raiment for his skin: wherein shall he sleep? and it shall come to pass, when he crieth unto me, that I will hear; for I am gracious.

What ?
Something altruistic ? Where did this come from?

28Thou shalt not revile the gods, nor curse the ruler of thy people.

Guess I'm in deep shit then.

29Thou shalt not delay to offer the first of thy ripe fruits, and of thy liquors: the firstborn of thy sons shalt thou give unto me.

Is this in a "he will grow up to be a preist" kind of way or a "rip his heart out on a bloodstained altar" kind of way.

30Likewise shalt thou do with thine oxen, and with thy sheep: seven days it shall be with his dam; on the eighth day thou shalt give it me.

Looks like it may be the bloodstained alter kind of way, not what I consider a good method of contraception.

31And ye shall be holy men unto me: neither shall ye eat any flesh that is torn of beasts in the field; ye shall cast it to the dogs.

Monday, 14 July 2008

Exodus Recap

Just to break up the Lawgiving and because I thought it's about time here's another recap.
So far we have learned that god is not worth a wank.
We have learned that he is at best a loosely based amalgam of sadistic senile psychopaths at worst a totally fictional character utilised as an excuse for the "followers" of god to be sadistic senile psychopaths.
Oh! and forgetful don't forget forgetful.
We have seen how the "chosen" people had settled in egypt and been told(No matter of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary) how their lives over generations degraded into slavery, but the still have gold and silver so must have been the richest slaves in history.
We are then introduced to a character whose birth and early years mirrors a real historical figure from about 1,000 years earlier, Sargon of Accad.
We are told how after committing murder or at least manslaughter, Moses goes on the run, meets(in the family fashion at the local watering hole) his wife to be.
Her father , who also happens to be
a midianite priest is nearby.An average man hardly mentioned, although he manages to change his name from Ruel to Jethro in record time allows the by now old man Moses to marry his daughter.
Then we are told that Moses is spoken to by a burning bush and taught how to do simple conjuring tricks to impress the pharoah.
Who incidently remains unimpressed.
At this time the priest, Jethro is conspicuous in his absence.
Real History then interjects with the successive plagues.
Moses then un-succesively claims his invisible friend is responsible with the message ............let my people go or else !
HE'S JUST A POOR BOY, FROM A POOR FAMILY SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY easy come, easy go, will you let me go Bismillah! NO! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO Bismillah! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO! Bismillah! We WILL NOT LET YOU GO! LET HIM GO! Will not let you go Let me go Will not let you go Let me go
Apologies to Freddie and Queen
Huge Eruption
and no that wasn't Freddie plague
Moses jumping up and down like a epileptic Kangaroo going godidit,godidit,
Pharoah finally relents and Moses takes his people to the seaside.
Pharoah then relents his relenting and gives chase after them, although outnumbered allegedly by........ just counting only men........1,000 to one.
Just men, Not counting goats,cows,children,lice,fleas oh and of course women.
But they were saved by god as they would have been massacred with odds like that.
They know no Isrealites were killed during the plagues and the tidal wave because they had a head count afterwards and all the survivors were there.
The troupe then get lost in the desert and although we are told time and again that they have goats cows children etc. god is forced to save them from starvation by sending them all manner of manna.
Just after Moses "miraculously" finds some water, they also then find some people to fight with, not connected at all.
Somehow Jethro manages to find the lost legion,then to EVERY BODIES surprise three days later god shows himself accompanied by trumpets,fire and smoke.
Today there would be lasers and inflatables too.
Perhaps Scoobie and Shaggy would get to the bottom of it but three thousand years later people believe god really appeared and god gave Moses ten commandments.
Yeah Right!
Jethro then says K Bye Thanx
Moses sprouts laws

Monday, 7 July 2008

Exodus 21

Exodus 21

1Now these are the judgments which thou shalt set before them.

Now we can all agree that a civilised society needs to, in some degree ,work together for the success of the greater community. To do this successfully a societies members should have respect for other members needs and circumstances. So any fledgling society should be based on this criteria for the mutual benefit of all its members.

2If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.

So straight in there with contracted servitude, in a city state maybe not such a bad idea a person can sell themselves into a contract for an agreed sum, but hang on they are still living in tents in the desert. An environment that ok would need something as a cohesive force for the mutual protection of the community but surely this would only be the start of a class structure akin to the one that they have just left.

3If he came in by himself, he shall go out by himself: if he were married, then his wife shall go out with him.

Ok I can see that but.....

4If his master have given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughters; the wife and her children shall be her master's, and he shall go out by himself.

Umm.... No equality for women and no respect for the sanctity of marriage.

5And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:

The words Either and Or not included as that would mean being blackmailed into service to stay with your family.

And if the servant shall plainly say,EITHER I love my master, OR my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:

6Then his master shall bring him unto the judges; he shall also bring him to the door, or unto the door post; and his master shall bore his ear through with an aul; and he shall serve him for ever.

So the reward for liking your employer and or your family eternal servitude and an earring.

7And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.

Some translations are more honest and do say slave

8If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.

But the master can sell her back if she does not wholly satisfy him ?

Would that not brand her as

A) Not a virgin therefore unclean

B) A lousy lay

9And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.

After the manner of daughters ? What the option to sell her off ?

Is this just an escape clause to sell on someone else's daughter as long as you go through a formal betrothal?

10If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.

If he has another wife it's fine as long as he feeds clothes and slips her one occasionally

11And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.

But if he doesn't she can fuck off !
Am I mis-reading something here or is the implication that, the women at least were better off in Egypt?

12He that smiteth a man, so that he die, shall be surely put to death.

13And if a man lie not in wait, but God deliver him into his hand; then I will appoint thee a place whither he shall flee.

This apparently covers the difference between murder and manslaughter.

14But if a man come presumptuously upon his neighbour, to slay him with guile; thou shalt take him from mine altar, that he may die.

No sanctury for murder, except is that not excactly why moses fled from egypt when he first met Jethro/Ruel

15And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.

16And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death.

Joseph didn't do that he just fucked their heads for a while.

17And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.

Be honest here what child ever in the whole history of the world has ever gone through their teenage years without ever cursing their parents?

18And if men strive together, and one smite another with a stone, or with his fist, and he die not, but keepeth his bed:

19If he rise again, and walk abroad upon his staff, then shall he that smote him be quit: only he shall pay for the loss of his time, and shall cause him to be thoroughly healed.

So if you twat someone too hard but they recover it's ok as long as you give them some sick pay ?

20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.

21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.

So you can beat a slave nearly to death, as long as they recover, and not expect punishment.

22If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine.

23And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life,

24Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,

25Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.

It's ok to have physical disagreements but if in doing so you cause a pregnant woman to miscarry you must pay compensation.

26And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye's sake.

After all who would want a one-eyed slave .

27And if he smite out his manservant's tooth, or his maidservant's tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth's sake.

I wonder was there a blackmarket for shed teeth ..... is this where we get the idea of the tooth fairy. Freedom available get your master to strike you in front of witnesses and spit out a tooth.

28If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten; but the owner of the ox shall be quit.

Tell me again about these starving people ?

29But if the ox were wont to push with his horn in time past, and it hath been testified to his owner, and he hath not kept him in, but that he hath killed a man or a woman; the ox shall be stoned, and his owner also shall be put to death.

Bit unfortunate, especially if someone else unwittingly let out the ox.

30If there be laid on him a sum of money, then he shall give for the ransom of his life whatsoever is laid upon him.


31Whether he have gored a son, or have gored a daughter, according to this judgment shall it be done unto him.


32If the ox shall push a manservant or a maidservant; he shall give unto their master thirty shekels of silver, and the ox shall be stoned.

limited compensation not for the family of the gored but for his/her master.

33And if a man shall open a pit, or if a man shall dig a pit, and not cover it, and an ox or an ass fall therein;

I would have thought an open pit was less of a liability than a covered one !

34The owner of the pit shall make it good, and give money unto the owner of them; and the dead beast shall be his.

35And if one man's ox hurt another's, that he die; then they shall sell the live ox, and divide the money of it; and the dead ox also they shall divide.

36Or if it be known that the ox hath used to push in time past, and his owner hath not kept him in; he shall surely pay ox for ox; and the dead shall be his own.

Is it me or are oxen given more resposibility for their own actions than women ?
Now I am confused.
I thought the whole point of getting out of Egypt was to raise the personal freedoms of the poor underprivileged Hebrews.
Now there maybe some ruling/judging over class that may be prospering from this legislation, but to me this is coming over as a recipe for class differences that actively encourages slavery and would in time lead to a slave culture and a caste system. Is this yet another connection with the Hindu culture ?

Exodus 20 first rendition of 10 commandments

Exodus 20

1And God spake all these words, saying,

2I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

Because I am so impressive you may have forgotten who I am

3Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

So god says there are other gods and his insecurity says they may be more impressive and worthy of worship than himself

4Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

That'll have the statue carvers union out on strike also makes the Masons position a bit dubious. And what about snowmen that's not going to affect people in the middle east but surely even the Phelps kids made snowmen. And I won't even mention the catholics oops too late !The list is endless, dildo manufacturers, toy makers, modelmakers photographers where will it end ?

5Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

Didn't he cover that with the first one when he said no other gods before him ?

And while we are there. Sorry kids you're fucked !

6And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

Is that not saying do as I say, or else ?

7Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

Does he mean the name JHVH ? What a cunt!

8Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

What ? even if you're paid double time ?

9Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

I work continental shifts four on four off......... fuck I am doomed

10But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

I thought he covered that already, then I noticed this is the cop out so the wife can do the housework and cook dinner.

11For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

There we are again subtle hints that god's wife or god's mum cooked his sabbath dinner for him while he rested

12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

I thought they were still in the desert, if that's the land he's given them, well I see plenty of family arguments

13Thou shalt not kill.

Maybe, just maybe, if this commandment had been first, people may have paid it a bit more attention, rather than getting stuck on the first one and killing anyone of a different faith !

14Thou shalt not commit adultery.

How else were people supposed to procreate before formalised marriages were brought to them ?

15Thou shalt not steal.

I won't comment on this one for a while but I think I might have reason to bring it up in future once or twice.

16Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

Unless of course you can afford to pay other's to back up your lies.

17Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

So no keeping up with the Jones'es, no wanting to better your lot.Hang on isn't that what got them there in the first place ?

18And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off.

When all else fails rely on a smoke screen, something utilised right up to the present day by politicians and religious leaders.

19And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die.

20And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not.

21And the people stood afar off, and Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was.

22And the LORD said unto Moses, Thus thou shalt say unto the children of Israel, Ye have seen that I have talked with you from heaven.

23Ye shall not make with me gods of silver, neither shall ye make unto you gods of gold.

Repeating himself again, bugger that alzheimers !

Is it me or without the repetition or rephrasing there a a few less than 10 commandments?

24An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sheep, and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.

25And if thou wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of hewn stone: for if thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou hast polluted it.

26Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon.
I was going to refrain from making the tool penis analogy but there, for no apparent reason, right there, in the next verse is a naked reference. See, It's not just my mind.

Exodus 19

Exodus 19

1In the third month, when the children of Israel were gone forth out of the land of Egypt, the same day came they into the wilderness of Sinai.

2For they were departed from Rephidim, and were come to the desert of Sinai, and had pitched in the wilderness; and there Israel camped before the mount.

Makes sense after all their water troubles, where else would they possibly go but the desert ?

3And Moses went up unto God, and the LORD called unto him out of the mountain, saying, Thus shalt thou say to the house of Jacob, and tell the children of Israel;

4Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians, and how I bare you on eagles' wings, and brought you unto myself.

In egyptian records there is no mention of a slave race suddenly taking advantage of natural disasters to escape.Let alone being bourne away on eagles wings. While we are on the subject of local records please note the titles Israelites and Hebrew strangely absent . Some have suggested the people known as the Habiru are the Hebrews this however likely, still remains unproven.

Perhaps Biblical scholars and Egyptologists should be looking for a tribe called wherethefuckarewe or couldn'tfindourwayoutofapapyrusbag or even lostinaculdesac.

5Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine:

6And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and an holy nation. These are the words which thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel.

Not content with petty lawgivers he is now setting up a parasitical hierarchy I'll bet they never had it so good

7And Moses came and called for the elders of the people, and laid before their faces all these words which the LORD commanded him.

8And all the people answered together, and said, All that the LORD hath spoken we will do. And Moses returned the words of the people unto the LORD.

9And the LORD said unto Moses, Lo, I come unto thee in a thick cloud, that the people may hear when I speak with thee, and believe thee for ever. And Moses told the words of the people unto the LORD.

Dunno why, but I just get the impression Jethro is lurking around somewhere. Sort of conspicuous by his absence.

10And the LORD said unto Moses, Go unto the people, and sanctify them to day and to morrow, and let them wash their clothes,

Washing their clothes in a desert, obviously the same mentality that makes sacrifices when people are hungry.

11And be ready against the third day: for the third day the LORD will come down in the sight of all the people upon mount Sinai.

This'll be good

12And thou shalt set bounds unto the people round about, saying, Take heed to yourselves, that ye go not up into the mount, or touch the border of it: whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death:

In other words don't get close enough to see the con.

Which also makes me wonder, Would the smell from whatever detergent they use for washing clothes help mask the smell from whatever they were burning to make the smoke/fire.

13There shall not an hand touch it, but he shall surely be stoned, or shot through; whether it be beast or man, it shall not live: when the trumpet soundeth long, they shall come up to the mount.

14And Moses went down from the mount unto the people, and sanctified the people; and they washed their clothes.

15And he said unto the people, Be ready against the third day: come not at your wives.

16And it came to pass on the third day in the morning, that there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mount, and the voice of the trumpet exceeding loud; so that all the people that was in the camp trembled.

Thick cloud (smoke)

Thunder (rattling and banging of drums)

Lightning (vigorously burning oils)

Typical tricks of a priest's show


17And Moses brought forth the people out of the camp to meet with God; and they stood at the nether part of the mount.

18And mount Sinai was altogether on a smoke, because the LORD descended upon it in fire: and the smoke thereof ascended as the smoke of a furnace, and the whole mount quaked greatly.

19And when the voice of the trumpet sounded long, and waxed louder and louder, Moses spake, and God answered him by a voice.

20And the LORD came down upon mount Sinai, on the top of the mount: and the LORD called Moses up to the top of the mount; and Moses went up.

21And the LORD said unto Moses, Go down, charge the people, lest they break through unto the LORD to gaze, and many of them perish.

22And let the priests also, which come near to the LORD, sanctify themselves, lest the LORD break forth upon them.

No can't come up here In case Jethro farts and gives the game away.

23And Moses said unto the LORD, The people cannot come up to mount Sinai: for thou chargedst us, saying, Set bounds about the mount, and sanctify it.

24And the LORD said unto him, Away, get thee down, and thou shalt come up, thou, and Aaron with thee: but let not the priests and the people break through to come up unto the LORD, lest he break forth upon them.

25So Moses went down unto the people, and spake unto them.