Saturday, 1 March 2008

Second Recap

So god decided to wipe the slate clean as he couldn't cope with men being men and killed almost everything in a worldwide flood.
When the waters had subsided plants had survived and there is no mention of a layer of salt covering everything.
Noah and his three sons repopulate the Earth. Build cities. In three generations are unable to speak the same language and are forced to traverse the globe.???
A thousand years or so after the flood god contacts an old man sends him,his nephew and their wives to a mountainous barren land. Finding nothing there they continue to egypt where for some reason a 60+ year old woman is incredibly sexually attractive The Old man is forced to lie about her, introducing her to all and sundry as his sister. Because as we all know ancient Egyptians would rape a wife and kill her husband but leave a brother and sister alone. Continuing with this untruth the old man is able to acquire gold, herds and servants by renting his wife to the Pharaoh.
God in the meantime causes problems for Pharaoh and Egypt as it's their fault Abram is Whoring his wife and is not where he should be.
Pharaoh discovers the deceit and sends them packing back to where they were told to go in the first place.
He pitches a tent which turns into a house. In a ten year period 318 battle hardened ninja's are born in this house, trained and raised to manhood.
Leading this hoard this 86 year old man is able to successfully lead a rescue mission freeing his nephew Lot some gold and incidently some other people as well.
Refusing reward from the King of Sodom he returns home to discover his house has reverted back to a tent.
Here his wife whores out her handmaid so Abram can "father a child"
When this child is thirteen god comes to visit and tells Abraham to follow an Egyptian custom and cut off the foreskin of all the males that he can get his grubby mitts on. This done him and his 90 year old spouse will be fertile. Promising that he will ensure that Abrahams "descendants" become a great nation.
Almost as an afterthought he adds he is off to judge the people of sodom because he feels he is overdue for some smiting.


Either god is ceiling cat playing with humanity in the way a cat plays with a mouse.
Or a number of oral histories have been confused.
Or its the tales of a senile old fool told to anyone will listen as he passed the time on his death bed.

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