Saturday, 22 March 2008

Genesis 35

1And God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother.

I guess god wasn't happy with the lingam he raised for him. Or else his poor memory has made him forget the alter Abram raised for him when he named the place bethel, as it was previously called ..................bethel.

2Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:

Of course these aren't "real" gods. These are imaginary gods, as everyone knows you can't touch real gods, you can only touch pretend gods.


3And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.

4And they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem.

As everyone is aware Jacobs word is his bond.

5And they journeyed: and the terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob.

Terror of god ?

If it really is "the terror of god" would you not expect a bit more elaboration.

Something like god smote the cities with fire and brimstone, a light breeze or maybe a plague descended from the heavens blighting the populace with the squits, headaches ingrowing toenails, anything give us a clue.

Terror of god,on its own just don't wash!
6So Jacob came to Luz, which is in the land of Canaan, that is, Bethel, he and all the people that were with him.

So he arrives at luz calling it bethel which it was known as before Abraham ever went there,even though he named it bethel jacob is on a mission from god to rename the place bethel.

Why when god created the earth did he not create a tree of perfect memory or something to help with this retention problem maybe he did but forgot where he put it.

7And he built there an altar, and called the place Elbethel: because there God appeared unto him, when he fled from the face of his brother.

Ah god has seen the romans coming before rome was invented becausethat is Bethel with an Italian accent.
8But Deborah, Rebekah's nurse died, and she was buried beneath Bethel under an oak: and the name of it was called Allonbachuth.

So not going to go with Bethel then, fear of god not doing it for you ?

9And God appeared unto Jacob again, when he came out of Padanaram, and blessed him.
10And God said unto him, Thy name is Jacob: thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name: and he called his name Israel.

Didn't he do this when they had their "Not gay in anyway" all-night "wrestling".
11And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;

Yeah yeah again again, how long is he going to keep promising this to how many generations. Every time the make a start to better themselves god makes them go walkabout and move back in a tent. Perhaps that's why his chosen people live in the middle east he wouldn't have got a Briton to leave a nice warm cave to go traipsing round the country building alters finding cousins to marry and renaming a place by its old name.

12And the land which I gave Abraham and Isaac, to thee I will give it, and to thy seed after thee will I give the land.
Fuck! He remembered something.
13And God went up from him in the place where he talked with him.
14And Jacob set up a pillar in the place where he talked with him, even a pillar of stone: and he poured a drink offering thereon, and he poured oil thereon.

Lingham can almost nearly mean standing stone if this family carry on with their erecting there would be a Stonehenge at bethel.

15And Jacob called the name of the place where God spake with him, Bethel.
16And they journeyed from Bethel; and there was but a little way to come to Ephrath: and Rachel travailed, and she had hard labour.
17And it came to pass, when she was in hard labour, that the midwife said unto her, Fear not; thou shalt have this son also.
18And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.
19And Rachel died, and was buried in the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.

So Jacob has done what his god asked for him and women you would expect him to care about are dropping like flies.

So the reason for doing gods bidding is ..............?

Or god so enjoyed their "wrestling" he is jealous of Jacobs other "wrestling" partners

20And Jacob set a pillar upon her grave: that is the pillar of Rachel's grave unto this day.

He loves his erections

and so apparently,



21And Israel journeyed, and spread his tent beyond the tower of Edar.
22And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father's concubine: and Israel heard it. Now the sons of Jacob were twelve:
I am assuming that Israel was Jacob not the whole country.
If it was the whole country you can understand how he has got four women, and god lining up that'll prove he was from the wrong side of the blanket.

23The sons of Leah; Reuben, Jacob's firstborn, and Simeon, and Levi, and Judah, and Issachar, and Zebulun:
24The sons of Rachel; Joseph, and Benjamin:
25And the sons of Bilhah, Rachel's handmaid; Dan, and Naphtali:
26And the sons of Zilpah, Leah's handmaid: Gad, and Asher: these are the sons of Jacob, which were born to him in Padanaram.
27And Jacob came unto Isaac his father unto Mamre, unto the city of Arbah, which is Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac sojourned.
28And the days of Isaac were an hundred and fourscore years.
29And Isaac gave up the ghost, and died, and was gathered unto his people, being old and full of days: and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.

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