Genesis 30

Genesis 30

¹And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.
She should have took a trip to the temple. Got laid by a real man.
²And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?
Just like his father and grandfather blame anyone else but his seedless semen.
³And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.
⁴And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.
Mind you it got him a ride on the maid.
⁵And Bilhah conceived, and bare Jacob a son.
⁶And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son: therefore called she his name Dan.
⁷And Bilhah Rachel's maid conceived again, and bare Jacob a second son.
⁸And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali.
⁹When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife.
¹⁰And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a son.
¹¹And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad.
What she shagged the Troops ?
¹²And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a second son.
¹³And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher.
¹⁴And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son's mandrakes.
¹⁵And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son's mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he shall lie with thee to night for thy son's mandrakes.
Just a Gigolo and no mention of Dave le Roth, blasphemy.
¹⁶And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said, Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son's mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.
What's the betting she was already pregnant, and needed to go through the motions with jacob before she started to show.
¹⁷And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived, and bare Jacob the fifth son.
¹⁸And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband: and she called his name Issachar.
¹⁹And Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob the sixth son.
²⁰And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.
²¹And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Dinah.
²²And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.
The old twat is forgetting again when does this all knowing god appear so far he has more in common with Professor Brainard than the omniscient diety we keep getting told about.
²³And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach:
He probably forgot where he put it.
²⁴And she called his name Joseph; and said, The LORD shall add to me another son.
That's a well notched bedpost.
²⁵And it came to pass, when Rachel had born Joseph, that Jacob said unto Laban, Send me away, that I may go unto mine own place, and to my country.
²⁶Give me my wives and my children, for whom I have served thee, and let me go: for thou knowest my service which I have done thee.
²⁷And Laban said unto him, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thine eyes, tarry: for I have learned by experience that the LORD hath blessed me for thy sake.
²⁸And he said, Appoint me thy wages, and I will give it.
²⁹And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me.
Thats not nice calling Labans Daughters cows.
³⁰For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the LORD hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?
³¹And he said, What shall I give thee? And Jacob said, Thou shalt not give me any thing: if thou wilt do this thing for me, I will again feed and keep thy flock.
³²I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thence all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goats: and of such shall be my hire.
³³So shall my righteousness answer for me in time to come, when it shall come for my hire before thy face: every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats, and brown among the sheep, that shall be counted stolen with me.
³⁴And Laban said, Behold, I would it might be according to thy word.
C'mon Laban you must know your about to get fucked over. Think man you can't trust them.
³⁵And he removed that day the he goats that were ringstraked and spotted, and all the she goats that were speckled and spotted, and every one that had some white in it, and all the brown among the sheep, and gave them into the hand of his sons.
³⁶And he set three days' journey betwixt himself and Jacob: and Jacob fed the rest of Laban's flocks.
Over 14 years being treated as a son. Would you do this to Laban ?
³⁷And Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and chesnut tree; and pilled white strakes in them, and made the white appear which was in the rods.
³⁸And he set the rods which he had piled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.
Of course its gods loyalty he's showing.
³⁹And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle ringstraked, speckled, and spotted.
⁴⁰And Jacob did separate the lambs, and set the faces of the flocks toward the ringstraked, and all the brown in the flock of Laban; and he put his own flocks by themselves, and put them not unto Laban's cattle.
There,s enough witchcraft in this story to satisfy Aliester Crowley (cue Ozzy Osbourne)
⁴¹And it came to pass, whensoever the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the rods.
⁴²But when the cattle were feeble, he put them not in: so the feebler were Laban's, and the stronger Jacob's.
You gotta love this family is there no bounds to how low they will stoop.

I don't know the science of this but it sounds suspiciously like genetic manipulation one of the paps new deadly sins.
⁴³And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses.