Monday, 4 February 2008

Genisis 6


1And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,
I could point out that the "men" are the ones breeding but men has to mean humans so no more gay jokes.
2That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.
Umm! God had sons? They don't teach us that one. Does that not imply
1. There is at least one Mrs God.
2.Therefore Goddess(es)
3.There must be more Gods even if they are his sons
4. I know we havn't got anywhere near the new testement yet but is there not a line that says something about Gods only Begotten son?

3And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.
So God IS Flesh
4There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.
Fair enough mongrels are genetically superior to pedigrees
5And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
6And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.
That omniscience is really not what it's made out to be is it
7And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.
Beware the evil Bunny his fluffyness will cause you to kill and rape and eat chocolate eggs to celebrate the third full moon following the winter solstice
8But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.
"Grace get out of gods eyes......bad dog"

9These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.
10And Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
From God?
11The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.
12And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.
13And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.

This is a bit extreme to say the least, Ive had shit in my eye and it hurts and having a whole dog in your eye has to be far from pleasant. Kick the dog zap it with lightning understandable but drowning mr and mrs cheesemaker over in basingstoke , not their dog not their doing 14Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.
15And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.
16A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.
17And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall die.
18But with thee will I establish my covenant; and thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives with thee.
19And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.
I will concede that in the bronze age that was a big boat . But seriously Ithink it would be a tight squeeze to get all species of bugs let alone elephants and giraffes.
What about food never mind what food becomes after going through animals.And no matter how you try the animals are not going to form an orderly queue to crap over the side. One window one cubit square how is anything going to breathe ?

20.
Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.
21And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather it to thee; and it shall be for food for thee, and for them.22Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he.

2 comments:

DocMike said...

Great site! For more humorous bible crap, check out
By The Book Comics

fdqpink/Baal's Bum said...

Thankyou docmike and Welcome.
I have been enjoying By the Book Comics for a little while now.I am really glad you like it.

 
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