Thursday, 28 February 2008

Genesis 18


Genesis 18

1And the LORD appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre: and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day;
What happened to his big house ?
2And he lift up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him: and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground,
A lean mean running machine I bet the sonic boom was heard in Russia.
3And said, My LORD, if now I have found favour in thy sight, pass not away, I pray thee, from thy servant:
4Let a little water, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree:
5And I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant. And they said, So do, as thou hast said.
The creator of the universe sits before him, the entity that has promised a kingdom to him and his decendents and all he offers him for a start is a jam butty with no jam.
He then had second thoughts.
6And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth.
7And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetcht a calf tender and good, and gave it unto a young man; and he hasted to dress it.
As a man less than half as old as Abraham I don't buy it that's an awful lot of running for a man thirty years past his sell by date.
8And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree, and they did eat.
9And they said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.
10And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.
11Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.
She had been through her change and spent it, her menstrual cycle had suffered total engine failure, her monthly discharge had been discharged, her womb was dead, it had ceased to be, it was an ex womb.
12Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
Is she having a brazillian ?
13And the LORD said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?
Where did god get this reputation of omniscience he hasn't got a clue ?
14Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
Yes well he has a totally unblemished record so far............not!
15Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh.
16And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way.
Because the almighty god needed directions.
17And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;
Asking advice now?
18Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?
19For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
You mean just like Adams other descendants ?
20And the LORD said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous;
21I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.
Not sitting up in the sky watching everything they do on a personal basis, is this really the same god as the one people claim today.
22And the men turned their faces from thence, and went toward Sodom: but Abraham stood yet before the LORD.
23And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?
Hmmm. What do you think?
24Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?
Perhaps rightous meant something different back then ?
25That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?
He can only do right after all he says what is right.
26And the LORD said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.
Yeah Right !
27And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the LORD, which am but dust and ashes:
28Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.
29And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, I will not do it for forty's sake.
30And he said unto him, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall thirty be found there. And he said, I will not do it, if I find thirty there.
31And he said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the LORD: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for twenty's sake.
32And he said, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake.
Is Abraham getting ideas above his station or is he just rambling on to himself in a crazy old man kind of way ?
33And the LORD went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place.
Would that be House or tent?

1 comment:

Uzza said...

This story makes me appreciate fast food: “Your order is coming right up sir, just as soon as we grind wheat into flour, bake it, butcher a steer...”

God seems to have his hands full back supervising the 300 million people that lived back then. Now there's more than that in just the US. Poor God.

 
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