Judges 4

Judges 4

¹And the children of Israel again did evil in the sight of the LORD, when Ehud was dead.

So they were doing good in de lards eyes as long as they have a murderer or assasin in or around thier higher echelons.........Oooohhhhh! Can you feel the love ?

²And the LORD sold them into the hand of Jabin king of Canaan, that reigned in Hazor; the captain of whose host was Sisera, which dwelt in Harosheth of the Gentiles.

So ...the the evil Canaanites capture a city and allow it's people to live whereas the good god fearing israelites have to prove their goodness and earn gods rewarding love by slaughtering every last living thing.

³And the children of Israel cried unto the LORD: for he had nine hundred chariots of iron; and twenty years he mightily oppressed the children of Israel.

And when they are captured all they can do for twenty years is to cry about it!

⁴And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.

A woman! fuck me !

⁵And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.

⁶And she sent and called Barak the son of Abinoam out of Kedeshnaphtali, and said unto him, Hath not the LORD God of Israel commanded, saying, Go and draw toward mount Tabor, and take with thee ten thousand men of the children of Naphtali and of the children of Zebulun?

⁷And I will draw unto thee to the river Kishon Sisera, the captain of Jabin's army, with his chariots and his multitude; and I will deliver him into thine hand.

⁸And Barak said unto her, If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go.

What ? She is offering freedom of the mans people but he won't go unless she is there to hold his hand.

⁹And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour; for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kedesh.

¹⁰And Barak called Zebulun and Naphtali to Kedesh; and he went up with ten thousand men at his feet: and Deborah went up with him.

¹¹Now Heber the Kenite, which was of the children of Hobab the father in law of Moses, had severed himself from the Kenites, and pitched his tent unto the plain of Zaanaim, which is by Kedesh.

We were told Moses only had one wife and she was a Midianite

We were told Moses only had one wife and she was a Ethiopian

We were told Moses only had one wife and her father was Jethro

We were told Moses only had one wife and her father was Ruel

I have asked before whether these point to mistakes or whether Moses is not a name but a title ...Or it might just have been that the mother of Zipporah was a slut and didn't know where her father was from.

¹²And they shewed Sisera that Barak the son of Abinoam was gone up to mount Tabor.

¹³And Sisera gathered together all his chariots, even nine hundred chariots of iron, and all the people that were with him, from Harosheth of the Gentiles unto the river of Kishon.

¹⁴And Deborah said unto Barak, Up; for this is the day in which the LORD hath delivered Sisera into thine hand: is not the LORD gone out before thee? So Barak went down from mount Tabor, and ten thousand men after him.

Well what a surprise ! these Israelites love a fair fight......one with odds of over ten to one is fair in their eyes.

¹⁵And the LORD discomfited Sisera, and all his chariots, and all his host, with the edge of the sword before Barak; so that Sisera lighted down off his chariot, and fled away on his feet.

¹⁶But Barak pursued after the chariots, and after the host, unto Harosheth of the Gentiles: and all the host of Sisera fell upon the edge of the sword; and there was not a man left.

More about the mercy of de lard later no doubt.

¹⁷Howbeit Sisera fled away on his feet to the tent of Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite: for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite.

¹⁸And Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said unto him, Turn in, my lord, turn in to me; fear not. And when he had turned in unto her into the tent, she covered him with a mantle.

You would be right in thinking if a bird invites you into her tent you're gonna get nailed.

¹⁹And he said unto her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water to drink; for I am thirsty. And she opened a bottle of milk, and gave him drink, and covered him.

²⁰Again he said unto her, Stand in the door of the tent, and it shall be, when any man doth come and enquire of thee, and say, Is there any man here? that thou shalt say, No.

But not in the way he expected.

²¹Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.

Don't you just love that"so he died" No shit !

²²And, behold, as Barak pursued Sisera, Jael came out to meet him, and said unto him, Come, and I will shew thee the man whom thou seekest. And when he came into her tent, behold, Sisera lay dead, and the nail was in his temples.

²³So God subdued on that day Jabin the king of Canaan before the children of Israel.

²⁴And the hand of the children of Israel prospered, and prevailed against Jabin the king of Canaan, until they had destroyed Jabin king of Canaan.

Judges 3

Sorry for the delay in this but real life has taken up alot of time recently, much work, many parties and oddly enough ,research and fatigue caused by all, have strained my brain to a degree of writers block

¹Now these are the nations which the LORD left, to prove Israel by them, even as many of Israel as had not known all the wars of Canaan;

What! ?........Did not de lard state time and again things like I give you this land, take it from those already there and of cities kill every motherfucking living thing.

Someone therefore seems to be admitting that de lard either didn't say what he was supposed to or wasn't hard enough to follow up on his threats/promises.

²Only that the generations of the children of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least such as before knew nothing thereof;

³Namely, five lords of the Philistines, and all the Canaanites, and the Sidonians, and the Hivites that dwelt in mount Lebanon, from mount Baalhermon unto the entering in of Hamath.

⁴And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would hearken unto the commandments of the LORD, which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses.

Oh I see ! Where as I had thought, they were now the supplicant love slaves of de lard, there is no longer a cunning power mad conman prophet,so he now stops talking to them. Does someone want to tell me again of the love of de lard.

⁵And the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites:

So naturally with out a madman prophet stirring them up the guidance of de lard they go back to normal lives.

⁶And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.

Just an observation....But to my view of what the supposed "power" of de lard is, or should be. Is it not contemptible that to and from their deity go out the window with a little bit of hot pussy on offer ? Especially from those that apparently witnessed it.

⁷And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and forgat the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the groves.

Fuck me ! I just realised, for once de lard didn't lie.......He is a jealous god !

⁸Therefore the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he sold them into the hand of Chushanrishathaim king of Mesopotamia: and the children of Israel served Chushanrishathaim eight years.

I have been hunting for days now trying to match up Chushanrishathaim to a monarch ruling in or around Mesopotamia to give verification either of events or of dates.

Allegedly we are supposed to be in the twelfth to the eleventh BCE. I have a couple of times pointed out similarities with the invasion of the mysterious "sea peoples" and asked whether biblical scholars have erred in assuming first there was only one Moses and secondly that Joshua immediately followed the original Moses.

⁹And when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel, who delivered them, even Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother.

¹⁰And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel, and went out to war: and the LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim king of Mesopotamia into his hand; and his hand prevailed against Chushanrishathaim.

So he went mad and started with the, " being a cunt" bit that had worked so well for all those other psychopaths before him.

¹¹And the land had rest forty years. And Othniel the son of Kenaz died.

¹²And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel, because they had done evil in the sight of the LORD.

We have been here before. The almighty, alknowing, allseeing invisible autocrat seems to be incapable of knowing or seeing the obvious fact that they are inherently untrustworthy and if he wants to them to behave themselves all he needs to do is assure them he is there.

¹³And he gathered unto him the children of Ammon and Amalek, and went and smote Israel, and possessed the city of palm trees.

¹⁴So the children of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years.

¹⁵But when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab.

¹⁶But Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh.

¹⁷And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.

¹⁸And when he had made an end to offer the present, he sent away the people that bare the present.

¹⁹But he himself turned again from the quarries that were by Gilgal, and said, I have a secret errand unto thee, O king: who said, Keep silence. And all that stood by him went out from him.

²⁰And Ehud came unto him; and he was sitting in a summer parlour, which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, I have a message from God unto thee. And he arose out of his seat.

²¹And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

²²And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.

²³Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the parlour upon him, and locked them.

²⁴When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.

I have to ask.......Is this a true translation ? He was a fat bloke, could he see his feet?

Ah ! the NLT has this "They thought he might be using the latrine in the room"

²⁵And they tarried till they were ashamed: and, behold, he opened not the doors of the parlour; therefore they took a key, and opened them: and, behold, their lord was fallen down dead on the earth.

²⁶And Ehud escaped while they tarried, and passed beyond the quarries, and escaped unto Seirath.

²⁷And it came to pass, when he was come, that he blew a trumpet in the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mount, and he before them.

²⁸And he said unto them, Follow after me: for the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand. And they went down after him, and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and suffered not a man to pass over.

²⁹And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man.

³⁰So Moab was subdued that day under the hand of Israel. And the land had rest fourscore years.

³¹And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

Judges 2

¹And an angel of the LORD came up from Gilgal to Bochim, and said, I made you to go up out of Egypt, and have brought you unto the land which I sware unto your fathers; and I said, I will never break my covenant with you.

What ? Is senility compulsory when reading scripture ? Was it not mentioned only in the last chapter that the all powerful, almighty was UNABLE to drive out the inabitants of the valley.....for no other reason than they had chariots of iron.

You would have thought that for the creator of the universe, lord of all, the one that was master of the ten plagues of Egypt would be able to manage a little rust or even the odd wheel falling off. No ! de lard flaunts his impotence and ineffectualness in front of the world.

²And ye shall make no league with the inhabitants of this land; ye shall throw down their altars: but ye have not obeyed my voice: why have ye done this?

Mislaid his omniscience glasses again ?

³Wherefore I also said, I will not drive them out from before you; but they shall be as thorns in your sides, and their gods shall be a snare unto you.

⁴And it came to pass, when the angel of the LORD spake these words unto all the children of Israel, that the people lifted up their voice, and wept.

⁵And they called the name of that place Bochim: and they sacrificed there unto the LORD.

⁶And when Joshua had let the people go, the children of Israel went every man unto his inheritance to possess the land.

⁷And the people served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the LORD, that he did for Israel.

⁸And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being an hundred and ten years old.

⁹And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnathheres, in the mount of Ephraim, on the north side of the hill Gaash.

¹⁰And also all that generation were gathered unto their fathers: and there arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel.

¹¹And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim:

Baalim = plural of Baal
Baal only means Lord so you could say Cricket is played at Baalim

¹²And they forsook the LORD God of their fathers, which brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods, of the gods of the people that were round about them, and bowed themselves unto them, and provoked the LORD to anger.

¹³And they forsook the LORD, and served Baal and Ashtaroth.

Or as YHWH calls us Father and Mother. Unfortunately the little bastard was proof goddesses can get pregnant from anal sex, well not excactly it's just my sperm was so potent it animated a turd.

¹⁴And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he delivered them into the hands of spoilers that spoiled them, and he sold them into the hands of their enemies round about, so that they could not any longer stand before their enemies.

Again I ask why does this jumped up prick of a god hold his subjects to higher ideals than he can maintain himself ?

¹⁵Whithersoever they went out, the hand of the LORD was against them for evil, as the LORD had said, and as the LORD had sworn unto them: and they were greatly distressed.

Or is it as I suspect he fails to deliver his end of the bargin and blames his subjects for getting killed and shit ?

¹⁶Nevertheless the LORD raised up judges, which delivered them out of the hand of those that spoiled them.

¹⁷And yet they would not hearken unto their judges, but they went a whoring after other gods, and bowed themselves unto them: they turned quickly out of the way which their fathers walked in, obeying the commandments of the LORD; but they did not so.

¹⁸And when the LORD raised them up judges, then the LORD was with the judge, and delivered them out of the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge: for it repented the LORD because of their groanings by reason of them that oppressed them and vexed them.

¹⁹And it came to pass, when the judge was dead, that they returned, and corrupted themselves more than their fathers, in following other gods to serve them, and to bow down unto them; they ceased not from their own doings, nor from their stubborn way.

²⁰And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel; and he said, Because that this people hath transgressed my covenant which I commanded their fathers, and have not hearkened unto my voice;

²¹I also will not henceforth drive out any from before them of the nations which Joshua left when he died:

Won't or Can't ?

²²That through them I may prove Israel, whether they will keep the way of the LORD to walk therein, as their fathers did keep it, or not.

²³Therefore the LORD left those nations, without driving them out hastily; neither delivered he them into the hand of Joshua.

Did not the first verse have an angel with a message from de lard a message containing the words " I will never break my covenant with you. " Do the words "-lying Cunt-" mean anything ?

Judges 1

So with Joshua dead, cities invaded and massacred, there should be be peace throughout the land. The Israelites that are so inherently peaceful and trustworthy, shall now return to their former reserved,restrained and tolerant selves.

Unfortunately not.

¹Now after the death of Joshua it came to pass, that the children of Israel asked the LORD, saying, Who shall go up for us against the Canaanites first, to fight against them?

It's more of a..."Who shall we kill next ?"

²And the LORD said, Judah shall go up: behold, I have delivered the land into his hand.

³And Judah said unto Simeon his brother, Come up with me into my lot, that we may fight against the Canaanites; and I likewise will go with thee into thy lot. So Simeon went with him.

⁴And Judah went up; and the LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men.

Cos they really needed more land. Perhaps that's it ? They needed to spread out so far that they couldn't see, hear or smell each other, as when they did they couldn't help but recoil with disgust.

⁵And they found Adonibezek in Bezek: and they fought against him, and they slew the Canaanites and the Perizzites.

⁶But Adonibezek fled; and they pursued after him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and his great toes.

⁷And Adonibezek said, Threescore and ten kings, having their thumbs and their great toes cut off, gathered their meat under my table: as I have done, so God hath requited me. And they brought him to Jerusalem, and there he died.

From the nlt for clarification

⁷ Adoni-bezek said, “I once had seventy kings with their thumbs and big toes cut off, eating scraps from under my table. Now God has paid me back for what I did to them.” They took him to Jerusalem, and he died there.

⁸Now the children of Judah had fought against Jerusalem, and had taken it, and smitten it with the edge of the sword, and set the city on fire.

⁹And afterward the children of Judah went down to fight against the Canaanites, that dwelt in the mountain, and in the south, and in the valley.

¹⁰And Judah went against the Canaanites that dwelt in Hebron: (now the name of Hebron before was Kirjatharba:) and they slew Sheshai, and Ahiman, and Talmai.

¹¹And from thence he went against the inhabitants of Debir: and the name of Debir before was Kirjathsepher:

¹²And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife.

De lard must love this Caleb chap....prostituting his daughter to a live of sexual slavery to the nastiest mother fucker around.

¹³And Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife.

¹⁴And it came to pass, when she came to him, that she moved him to ask of her father a field: and she lighted from off her ass; and Caleb said unto her, What wilt thou?

¹⁵And she said unto him, Give me a blessing: for thou hast given me a south land; give me also springs of water. And Caleb gave her the upper springs and the nether springs.

Seems odd they give her a field with springs, you would have thought a well sprung bed better for newly weds. Is it a mis-translation ?

Did they mean her husband made her wet ?

¹⁶And the children of the Kenite, Moses' father in law, went up out of the city of palm trees with the children of Judah into the wilderness of Judah, which lieth in the south of Arad; and they went and dwelt among the people.

¹⁷And Judah went with Simeon his brother, and they slew the Canaanites that inhabited Zephath, and utterly destroyed it. And the name of the city was called Hormah.

¹⁸Also Judah took Gaza with the coast thereof, and Askelon with the coast thereof, and Ekron with the coast thereof.

¹⁹And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.

Followers of de lard insist the all answers are in the bible, so there is one to use against them.
Why ? De lard was with Judah and he could NOT drive out the people with iron chariots

Still not with me

Iron chariots = latest technology = more advanced therefore Science beats superstition.......and its in the bible so it must be trooo.

²⁰And they gave Hebron unto Caleb, as Moses said: and he expelled thence the three sons of Anak.

²¹And the children of Benjamin did not drive out the Jebusites that inhabited Jerusalem; but the Jebusites dwell with the children of Benjamin in Jerusalem unto this day.

²²And the house of Joseph, they also went up against Bethel: and the LORD was with them.

²³And the house of Joseph sent to descry Bethel. (Now the name of the city before was Luz.)

²⁴And the spies saw a man come forth out of the city, and they said unto him, Shew us, we pray thee, the entrance into the city, and we will shew thee mercy.

²⁵And when he shewed them the entrance into the city, they smote the city with the edge of the sword; but they let go the man and all his family.

²⁶And the man went into the land of the Hittites, and built a city, and called the name thereof Luz: which is the name thereof unto this day.

We have seen this since Adam's day one guy goes off and presto! there's a city. If it's that easy why are these bastards going round taking every other fuckers ? I suppose there wouldn't be the gold,and other spoils and of course don't forget the rape.

²⁷Neither did Manasseh drive out the inhabitants of Bethshean and her towns, nor Taanach and her towns, nor the inhabitants of Dor and her towns, nor the inhabitants of Ibleam and her towns, nor the inhabitants of Megiddo and her towns: but the Canaanites would dwell in that land.

²⁸And it came to pass, when Israel was strong, that they put the Canaanites to tribute, and did not utterly drive them out.

So did de lard change his mind or just forget about it ?

²⁹Neither did Ephraim drive out the Canaanites that dwelt in Gezer; but the Canaanites dwelt in Gezer among them.

³⁰Neither did Zebulun drive out the inhabitants of Kitron, nor the inhabitants of Nahalol; but the Canaanites dwelt among them, and became tributaries.

³¹Neither did Asher drive out the inhabitants of Accho, nor the inhabitants of Zidon, nor of Ahlab, nor of Achzib, nor of Helbah, nor of Aphik, nor of Rehob:

³²But the Asherites dwelt among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land: for they did not drive them out.

³³Neither did Naphtali drive out the inhabitants of Bethshemesh, nor the inhabitants of Bethanath; but he dwelt among the Canaanites, the inhabitants of the land: nevertheless the inhabitants of Bethshemesh and of Bethanath became tributaries unto them.

³⁴And the Amorites forced the children of Dan into the mountain: for they would not suffer them to come down to the valley:

³⁵But the Amorites would dwell in mount Heres in Aijalon, and in Shaalbim: yet the hand of the house of Joseph prevailed, so that they became tributaries.

³⁶And the coast of the Amorites was from the going up to Akrabbim, from the rock, and upward.

Yet again I think we have much exaggeration coming from oral tradition many years probably centuries before the story we now read was written down

Joshua Recap

I must confess to being a little confused by Joshua, although familiar with the myth,these massive conquests and genocides seem to have escaped history unnoticed, save by the perpetrators.
I find myself perturbed by the lack of detail. With such big events we should expect not only more from the winners but from outside sources. Sadly to mention again these events are unrecorded anywhere else.
This suggests either they are complete fabication or bible scholar's have their sums and dates wrong. It seems to me, admittedly with no evidence, that Joshua's conquest was part of the "Sea peoples" invasion that are recorded at least in part in some of the Armarna letters.

To be honest I see most of Joshua as pure bullshit.

Walls falling down with trumpets, the sun standing still and a bunch of nomads achieving world domination. This strikes me as having more to do with long nights and strong wine than any facts.