Monday, 19 October 2009

Judges 3

Sorry for the delay in this but real life has taken up alot of time recently, much work, many parties and oddly enough ,research and fatigue caused by all, have strained my brain to a degree of writers block

1Now these are the nations which the LORD left, to prove Israel by them, even as many of Israel as had not known all the wars of Canaan;

What! ?........Did not de lard state time and again things like I give you this land, take it from those already there and of cities kill every motherfucking living thing.

Someone therefore seems to be admitting that de lard either didn't say what he was supposed to or wasn't hard enough to follow up on his threats/promises.

2Only that the generations of the children of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least such as before knew nothing thereof;

3Namely, five lords of the Philistines, and all the Canaanites, and the Sidonians, and the Hivites that dwelt in mount Lebanon, from mount Baalhermon unto the entering in of Hamath.

4And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would hearken unto the commandments of the LORD, which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses.

Oh I see ! Where as I had thought, they were now the supplicant love slaves of de lard, there is no longer a cunning power mad conman prophet,so he now stops talking to them. Does someone want to tell me again of the love of de lard.

5And the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites:

So naturally with out a madman prophet stirring them up the guidance of de lard they go back to normal lives.

6And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.

Just an observation....But to my view of what the supposed "power" of de lard is, or should be. Is it not contemptible that to and from their deity go out the window with a little bit of hot pussy on offer ? Especially from those that apparently witnessed it.

7And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and forgat the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the groves.

Fuck me ! I just realised, for once de lard didn't lie.......He is a jealous god !

8Therefore the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he sold them into the hand of Chushanrishathaim king of Mesopotamia: and the children of Israel served Chushanrishathaim eight years.

I have been hunting for days now trying to match up Chushanrishathaim to a monarch ruling in or around Mesopotamia to give verification either of events or of dates.

Allegedly we are supposed to be in the twelfth to the eleventh BCE. I have a couple of times pointed out similarities with the invasion of the mysterious "sea peoples" and asked whether biblical scholars have erred in assuming first there was only one Moses and secondly that Joshua immediately followed the original Moses.

9And when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel, who delivered them, even Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother.

10And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel, and went out to war: and the LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim king of Mesopotamia into his hand; and his hand prevailed against Chushanrishathaim.

So he went mad and started with the, " being a cunt" bit that had worked so well for all those other psychopaths before him.

11And the land had rest forty years. And Othniel the son of Kenaz died.

12And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel, because they had done evil in the sight of the LORD.

We have been here before. The almighty, alknowing, allseeing invisible autocrat seems to be incapable of knowing or seeing the obvious fact that they are inherently untrustworthy and if he wants to them to behave themselves all he needs to do is assure them he is there.

13And he gathered unto him the children of Ammon and Amalek, and went and smote Israel, and possessed the city of palm trees.

14So the children of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years.

15But when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab.

16But Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh.

17And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.

18And when he had made an end to offer the present, he sent away the people that bare the present.

19But he himself turned again from the quarries that were by Gilgal, and said, I have a secret errand unto thee, O king: who said, Keep silence. And all that stood by him went out from him.

20And Ehud came unto him; and he was sitting in a summer parlour, which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, I have a message from God unto thee. And he arose out of his seat.

21And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

22And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.

23Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the parlour upon him, and locked them.

24When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.

I have to ask.......Is this a true translation ? He was a fat bloke, could he see his feet?

Ah ! the NLT has this "They thought he might be using the latrine in the room"

25And they tarried till they were ashamed: and, behold, he opened not the doors of the parlour; therefore they took a key, and opened them: and, behold, their lord was fallen down dead on the earth.

26And Ehud escaped while they tarried, and passed beyond the quarries, and escaped unto Seirath.

27And it came to pass, when he was come, that he blew a trumpet in the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mount, and he before them.

28And he said unto them, Follow after me: for the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand. And they went down after him, and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and suffered not a man to pass over.

29And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man.

30So Moab was subdued that day under the hand of Israel. And the land had rest fourscore years.

31And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

Friday, 2 October 2009

Judges 2

1And an angel of the LORD came up from Gilgal to Bochim, and said, I made you to go up out of Egypt, and have brought you unto the land which I sware unto your fathers; and I said, I will never break my covenant with you.

What ? Is senility compulsory when reading scripture ? Was it not mentioned only in the last chapter that the all powerful, almighty was UNABLE to drive out the inabitants of the valley.....for no other reason than they had chariots of iron.

You would have thought that for the creator of the universe, lord of all, the one that was master of the ten plagues of Egypt would be able to manage a little rust or even the odd wheel falling off. No ! de lard flaunts his impotence and ineffectualness in front of the world.

2And ye shall make no league with the inhabitants of this land; ye shall throw down their altars: but ye have not obeyed my voice: why have ye done this?

Mislaid his omniscience glasses again ?

3Wherefore I also said, I will not drive them out from before you; but they shall be as thorns in your sides, and their gods shall be a snare unto you.

4And it came to pass, when the angel of the LORD spake these words unto all the children of Israel, that the people lifted up their voice, and wept.

5And they called the name of that place Bochim: and they sacrificed there unto the LORD.

6And when Joshua had let the people go, the children of Israel went every man unto his inheritance to possess the land.

7And the people served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the LORD, that he did for Israel.

8And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being an hundred and ten years old.

9And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnathheres, in the mount of Ephraim, on the north side of the hill Gaash.

10And also all that generation were gathered unto their fathers: and there arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel.

11And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim:

Baalim = plural of Baal
Baal only means Lord so you could say Cricket is played at Baalim

12And they forsook the LORD God of their fathers, which brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods, of the gods of the people that were round about them, and bowed themselves unto them, and provoked the LORD to anger.

13And they forsook the LORD, and served Baal and Ashtaroth.

Or as YHWH calls us Father and Mother. Unfortunately the little bastard was proof goddesses can get pregnant from anal sex, well not excactly it's just my sperm was so potent it animated a turd.

14And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he delivered them into the hands of spoilers that spoiled them, and he sold them into the hands of their enemies round about, so that they could not any longer stand before their enemies.

Again I ask why does this jumped up prick of a god hold his subjects to higher ideals than he can maintain himself ?

15Whithersoever they went out, the hand of the LORD was against them for evil, as the LORD had said, and as the LORD had sworn unto them: and they were greatly distressed.

Or is it as I suspect he fails to deliver his end of the bargin and blames his subjects for getting killed and shit ?

16Nevertheless the LORD raised up judges, which delivered them out of the hand of those that spoiled them.

17And yet they would not hearken unto their judges, but they went a whoring after other gods, and bowed themselves unto them: they turned quickly out of the way which their fathers walked in, obeying the commandments of the LORD; but they did not so.

18And when the LORD raised them up judges, then the LORD was with the judge, and delivered them out of the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge: for it repented the LORD because of their groanings by reason of them that oppressed them and vexed them.

19And it came to pass, when the judge was dead, that they returned, and corrupted themselves more than their fathers, in following other gods to serve them, and to bow down unto them; they ceased not from their own doings, nor from their stubborn way.

20And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel; and he said, Because that this people hath transgressed my covenant which I commanded their fathers, and have not hearkened unto my voice;

21I also will not henceforth drive out any from before them of the nations which Joshua left when he died:

Won't or Can't ?

22That through them I may prove Israel, whether they will keep the way of the LORD to walk therein, as their fathers did keep it, or not.

23Therefore the LORD left those nations, without driving them out hastily; neither delivered he them into the hand of Joshua.

Did not the first verse have an angel with a message from de lard a message containing the words "
I will never break my covenant with you. " Do the words "-lying Cunt-" mean anything ?