Saturday, 28 February 2009

Deuteronomy 10

1At that time the LORD said unto me, Hew thee two tables of stone like unto the first, and come up unto me into the mount, and make thee an ark of wood.

2And I will write on the tables the words that were in the first tables which thou brakest, and thou shalt put them in the ark.

3And I made an ark of shittim wood, and hewed two tables of stone like unto the first, and went up into the mount, having the two tables in mine hand.

This sequence of events has always been put to me as evidence of gods power. Why ?

He has failed to convince the Israelites either of his existence or his power,else they would stop being fickle about who or what they are following.

He was unable to foresee and prevent the events leading up to the breaking if the tablets. Or reach out to catch them.

He was unable to foresee and prevent the Israelites from worshipping the golen calf leading to the murders of about three thousand men (Exodus 32:28) which is conveniently missed from this reiteration.

4And he wrote on the tables, according to the first writing, the ten commandments, which the LORD spake unto you in the mount out of the midst of the fire in the day of the assembly: and the LORD gave them unto me.

5And I turned myself and came down from the mount, and put the tables in the ark which I had made; and there they be, as the LORD commanded me.

6And the children of Israel took their journey from Beeroth of the children of Jaakan to Mosera: there Aaron died, and there he was buried; and Eleazar his son ministered in the priest's office in his stead.

7From thence they journeyed unto Gudgodah; and from Gudgodah to Jotbath, a land of rivers of waters.

8At that time the LORD separated the tribe of Levi, to bear the ark of the covenant of the LORD, to stand before the LORD to minister unto him, and to bless in his name, unto this day.

9Wherefore Levi hath no part nor inheritance with his brethren; the LORD is his inheritance, according as the LORD thy God promised him.

10And I stayed in the mount, according to the first time, forty days and forty nights; and the LORD hearkened unto me at that time also, and the LORD would not destroy thee.

11And the LORD said unto me, Arise, take thy journey before the people, that they may go in and possess the land, which I sware unto their fathers to give unto them.

12And now, Israel, what doth the LORD thy God require of thee, but to fear the LORD thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the LORD thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul,

To walk in all his ways what does that mean ?

Except perhaps, behave like a hateful spoilt brat that smashes up his toys when he doesn't get his own way.

13To keep the commandments of the LORD, and his statutes, which I command thee this day for thy good?

Which commandments the do not kill and steal or the go steal land and kill the occupants ?

14Behold, the heaven and the heaven of heavens is the LORD's thy God, the earth also, with all that therein is.

15Only the LORD had a delight in thy fathers to love them, and he chose their seed after them, even you above all people, as it is this day.

16Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked.

WTF. A stiff neck can be cured by having your heart circumcised. Well fuck me I never knew your foreskin was there. I need to see a doctor, mines on the end of my cock.

17For the LORD your God is God of gods, and Lord of lords, a great God, a mighty, and a terrible, which regardeth not persons, nor taketh reward:

18He doth execute the judgment of the fatherless and widow, and loveth the stranger, in giving him food and raiment.

19Love ye therefore the stranger: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.

Except of course when you go steal their land and are killing the occupants ?

20Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God; him shalt thou serve, and to him shalt thou cleave, and swear by his name.

21He is thy praise, and he is thy God, that hath done for thee these great and terrible things, which thine eyes have seen.

22Thy fathers went down into Egypt with threescore and ten persons; and now the LORD thy God hath made thee as the stars of heaven for multitude.

Did de lard tell him that ? Or did Moses make it up either way it couldn't possibly be true.

Thursday, 26 February 2009

Deuteronomy 9

1Hear, O Israel: Thou art to pass over Jordan this day, to go in to possess nations greater and mightier than thyself, cities great and fenced up to heaven,

2A people great and tall, the children of the Anakims, whom thou knowest, and of whom thou hast heard say, Who can stand before the children of Anak!

3Understand therefore this day, that the LORD thy God is he which goeth over before thee; as a consuming fire he shall destroy them, and he shall bring them down before thy face: so shalt thou drive them out, and destroy them quickly, as the LORD hath said unto thee.

4Speak not thou in thine heart, after that the LORD thy God hath cast them out from before thee, saying, For my righteousness the LORD hath brought me in to possess this land: but for the wickedness of these nations the LORD doth drive them out from before thee.

adj. wick·ed·er, wick·ed·est 1. Evil by nature and in practice: "this wicked man Hitler, the repository and embodiment of many forms of soul-destroying hatred" (Winston S. Churchill). 2. Playfully malicious or mischievous: a wicked prank; a critic's wicked wit. 3. Severe and distressing: a wicked cough; a wicked gash; wicked driving conditions. 4. Highly offensive; obnoxious: a wicked stench. 5. Slang Strikingly good, effective, or skillful: a wicked curve ball; a wicked imitation. [Middle English, alteration of wicke, ultimately from Old English wicca, sorcerer; see witch.] wick'ed·ly adv., wick'ed·ness n. ess n.

5Not for thy righteousness, or for the uprightness of thine heart, dost thou go to possess their land: but for the wickedness of these nations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee, and that he may perform the word which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

right·eous adj. 1. Morally upright; without guilt or sin: a righteous parishioner. 2. In accordance with virtue or morality: a righteous judgment. 3. Morally justifiable: righteous anger. See Synonyms at moral. n. Righteous people considered as a group. [Middle English ryghtuous, alteration of rihtwise, from Old English rihtwīs : riht, right; see right + -wīse, -wise.] right'eous·ly adv., right'eous·ness n.

6Understand therefore, that the LORD thy God giveth thee not this good land to possess it for thy righteousness; for thou art a stiffnecked people.

Has the scribe confused those two words. It seems to me truly wicked to storm someone's city and kill all the occupants. Especially on orders from an entity claiming that these people are your brothers.

Lets take this a bit further, throw our rationale out of the window and briefly accept this bollocks as the truth. According to the texts we have read all mankind is descended from Noah and his family.The great flood happened at least 1,000 years earlier. So somewhere between then and the time of Moses some people have not mentioned what a wonderful god the great JHVH is. Because of this , the almighty(his words not mine) thinks the only way forwards is for these unruly immigrants to murder every last motherfucking one of them.

Now what was that again about de lards wisdom, understanding and love ?

7Remember, and forget not, how thou provokedst the LORD thy God to wrath in the wilderness: from the day that thou didst depart out of the land of Egypt, until ye came unto this place, ye have been rebellious against the LORD.

Because the simple question "Why" is a major sin.

8Also in Horeb ye provoked the LORD to wrath, so that the LORD was angry with you to have destroyed you.

9When I was gone up into the mount to receive the tables of stone, even the tables of the covenant which the LORD made with you, then I abode in the mount forty days and forty nights, I neither did eat bread nor drink water:

Just spacecake, magic mushrooms and wine.

10And the LORD delivered unto me two tables of stone written with the finger of God; and on them was written according to all the words, which the LORD spake with you in the mount out of the midst of the fire in the day of the assembly.

11And it came to pass at the end of forty days and forty nights, that the LORD gave me the two tables of stone, even the tables of the covenant.

12And the LORD said unto me, Arise, get thee down quickly from hence; for thy people which thou hast brought forth out of Egypt have corrupted themselves; they are quickly turned aside out of the way which I commanded them; they have made them a molten image.

Because the awesome spectacle, the incredible power of de lard has been so incredible that the simple people that escaped Egypt have,without the rantings of an insane leader with a pet magician to literally put the fear of god into them, forgotten about it in just over a month.

13Furthermore the LORD spake unto me, saying, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people:

14Let me alone, that I may destroy them, and blot out their name from under heaven: and I will make of thee a nation mightier and greater than they.

Hang on, as I understand to be born a Jew, your mother must have been a Jew. If de lard had carried out this threat how would he have built a nation from Moses and his wives one Midianite and one Ethiopian ?

15So I turned and came down from the mount, and the mount burned with fire: and the two tables of the covenant were in my two hands.

16And I looked, and, behold, ye had sinned against the LORD your God, and had made you a molten calf: ye had turned aside quickly out of the way which the LORD had commanded you.

17And I took the two tables, and cast them out of my two hands, and brake them before your eyes.

It took de lard six days to create the world but forty days to make two stone tablets, and god is not pissed off with Moses for breaking them. And yet Moses is able to rewrite them in a day, does this not seem strange to anyone but me ?

18And I fell down before the LORD, as at the first, forty days and forty nights: I did neither eat bread, nor drink water, because of all your sins which ye sinned, in doing wickedly in the sight of the LORD, to provoke him to anger.

19For I was afraid of the anger and hot displeasure, wherewith the LORD was wroth against you to destroy you. But the LORD hearkened unto me at that time also.

20And the LORD was very angry with Aaron to have destroyed him: and I prayed for Aaron also the same time.

21And I took your sin, the calf which ye had made, and burnt it with fire, and stamped it, and ground it very small, even until it was as small as dust: and I cast the dust thereof into the brook that descended out of the mount.

Didn't the original tale tell us they were forced to drink the dust laden water?

22And at Taberah, and at Massah, and at Kibrothhattaavah, ye provoked the LORD to wrath.

23Likewise when the LORD sent you from Kadeshbarnea, saying, Go up and possess the land which I have given you; then ye rebelled against the commandment of the LORD your God, and ye believed him not, nor hearkened to his voice.

24Ye have been rebellious against the LORD from the day that I knew you.

25Thus I fell down before the LORD forty days and forty nights, as I fell down at the first; because the LORD had said he would destroy you.

26I prayed therefore unto the LORD, and said, O Lord GOD, destroy not thy people and thine inheritance, which thou hast redeemed through thy greatness, which thou hast brought forth out of Egypt with a mighty hand.

Because the malevolent bastard is so easily swayed by a grovelling madman.

27Remember thy servants, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; look not unto the stubbornness of this people, nor to their wickedness, nor to their sin:

28Lest the land whence thou broughtest us out say, Because the LORD was not able to bring them into the land which he promised them, and because he hated them, he hath brought them out to slay them in the wilderness.

So at the end of the day it's all about spin. It was all to protect de lards reputation, otherwise the world would have seen his impotence much sooner.

29Yet they are thy people and thine inheritance, which thou broughtest out by thy mighty power and by thy stretched out arm.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

Deuteronomy 8

1All the commandments which I command thee this day shall ye observe to do, that ye may live, and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers.

Deuteronomy 5:3 says different.

2And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no.

3And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.

Deuteronomy 2:7 says "thou hast lacked nothing."

4Thy raiment waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these forty years.

5Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the LORD thy God chasteneth thee.

6Therefore thou shalt keep the commandments of the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to fear him.

Now c'mon if Moses can't get his facts right how can anyone else.

7For the LORD thy God bringeth thee into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and depths that spring out of valleys and hills;

8A land of wheat, and barley, and vines, and fig trees, and pomegranates; a land of oil olive, and honey;

9A land wherein thou shalt eat bread without scarceness, thou shalt not lack any thing in it; a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills thou mayest dig brass.

10When thou hast eaten and art full, then thou shalt bless the LORD thy God for the good land which he hath given thee.

11Beware that thou forget not the LORD thy God, in not keeping his commandments, and his judgments, and his statutes, which I command thee this day:

12Lest when thou hast eaten and art full, and hast built goodly houses, and dwelt therein;

13And when thy herds and thy flocks multiply, and thy silver and thy gold is multiplied, and all that thou hast is multiplied;

14Then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the LORD thy God, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage;

15Who led thee through that great and terrible wilderness, wherein were fiery serpents, and scorpions, and drought, where there was no water; who brought thee forth water out of the rock of flint;

Is this the point to mention Deuteronomy 2:7 again ?

16Who fed thee in the wilderness with manna, which thy fathers knew not, that he might humble thee, and that he might prove thee, to do thee good at thy latter end;

17And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth.

Please correct me if I am wrong but I am sure "Thou shalt not steal" was mentioned in both renditions of the 10 commandments not to mention "thou shalt not kill", I also sure some where in the "lesser" commandments there was a mention of being nice to strangers.

18But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day.

19And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.

Again more gods.

20As the nations which the LORD destroyeth before your face, so shall ye perish; because ye would not be obedient unto the voice of the LORD your God.

Friday, 20 February 2009

Deuteronomy 7

1When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;

2And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:

3Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.

Hang on was not Mrs Moses no.1 a Midianite and Mrs Moses no.2 Ethiopian ?

Why is it Ok for Moses to fuck outside his ethnicity and no one else.

4For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.

Well as soon as Moses and his crew can get to you anyway.

5But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.

6For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God: the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth.

7The LORD did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people:

How very democratic of him.

You know the more I read about this so called god the less I believe he is worthy of worship. Invite him into my heart ......I wouldn't even want him in the same universe.

8But because the LORD loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your fathers, hath the LORD brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of bondmen, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

9Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;

Arn't we talking about the god who managed to almost drown the contents of the Ark because he forgot about Noah, the god who managed to forget his promise to Abaraham for 400 years,the god that has apparently chosen a small segment ofthe alleged descendants of Noah and his family and turned his back on the rest, the god that encourages behaviour that us mere mortals are trying to put behind us as we strive for true civilization.

10And repayeth them that hate him to their face, to destroy them: he will not be slack to him that hateth him, he will repay him to his face.

And he calls himself our Father ?

11Thou shalt therefore keep the commandments, and the statutes, and the judgments, which I command thee this day, to do them.

Because obeying his laws is much better than being nice to your fellow man

12Wherefore it shall come to pass, if ye hearken to these judgments, and keep, and do them, that the LORD thy God shall keep unto thee the covenant and the mercy which he sware unto thy fathers:

1,000 generations he said , well modern Israel must have exceeded that so now thy are in the same boat as the rest of us. That means all these religious kooks are as fucked as the rest of us.

13And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb, and the fruit of thy land, thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep, in the land which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee.

If this were true surely the Israelites and their descendant would be living peacefully and would own the world a sort of Jewtopia.

14Thou shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.

No ! don't believe a word.

15And the LORD will take away from thee all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which thou knowest, upon thee; but will lay them upon all them that hate thee.

Take away all sickness. Fuck me these are some of the sickest bastards I have ever read about. and they encourage children to read this shit.

16And thou shalt consume all the people which the LORD thy God shall deliver thee; thine eye shall have no pity upon them: neither shalt thou serve their gods; for that will be a snare unto thee.

Yup ! That is definitely sick.

17If thou shalt say in thine heart, These nations are more than I; how can I dispossess them?

18Thou shalt not be afraid of them: but shalt well remember what the LORD thy God did unto Pharaoh, and unto all Egypt;

Take the credit for natural disasters.

19The great temptations which thine eyes saw, and the signs, and the wonders, and the mighty hand, and the stretched out arm, whereby the LORD thy God brought thee out: so shall the LORD thy God do unto all the people of whom thou art afraid.

20Moreover the LORD thy God will send the hornet among them, until they that are left, and hide themselves from thee, be destroyed.

21Thou shalt not be affrighted at them: for the LORD thy God is among you, a mighty God and terrible.

He might be terrible but his only might is the ignorence and sheer bloody mindedness of his followers.

22And the LORD thy God will put out those nations before thee by little and little: thou mayest not consume them at once, lest the beasts of the field increase upon thee.

23But the LORD thy God shall deliver them unto thee, and shall destroy them with a mighty destruction, until they be destroyed.

24And he shall deliver their kings into thine hand, and thou shalt destroy their name from under heaven: there shall no man be able to stand before thee, until thou have destroyed them.

25The graven images of their gods shall ye burn with fire: thou shalt not desire the silver or gold that is on them, nor take it unto thee, lest thou be snared therin: for it is an abomination to the LORD thy God.

I'll bet this is another commandment that somehow gets adjusted.

26Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.

What is an abomination save the believe that you can commit evil acts to please your imaginary freind.

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Deuteronomy 6

1Now these are the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD your God commanded to teach you, that ye might do them in the land whither ye go to possess it:

2That thou mightest fear the LORD thy God, to keep all his statutes and his commandments, which I command thee, thou, and thy son, and thy son's son, all the days of thy life; and that thy days may be prolonged.

As I said earlier Fear is not Love

3Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe to do it; that it may be well with thee, and that ye may increase mightily, as the LORD God of thy fathers hath promised thee, in the land that floweth with milk and honey.

4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:

Again an implication there are other gods

5And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. .

6And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

8And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

9And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

10And it shall be, when the LORD thy God shall have brought thee into the land which he sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give thee great and goodly cities, which thou buildedst not,

11And houses full of all good things, which thou filledst not, and wells digged, which thou diggedst not, vineyards and olive trees, which thou plantedst not; when thou shalt have eaten and be full;

Do you think these religious leaders would be happy if they got home after spouting their shit about de love of de lard and found a herd of homeless jews squatting in their mansions proclaiming god had given it to them ?

12Then beware lest thou forget the LORD, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

Do they have a strap on night to remember this ?

13Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God, and serve him, and shalt swear by his name.

I'll do better than that I will swear at his name....jahweh, jehova, allah or whatever your fuckwit followers want to call you, I think you are a malevolent imaginary cunt and a total bastard on the side.

14Ye shall not go after other gods, of the gods of the people which are round about you;

Definitely other gods then

15(For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the LORD thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth.

Worrying about his genitalia again

16Ye shall not tempt the LORD your God, as ye tempted him in Massah.

No don't tempt him like that he don't like it he wants to be tempted with some nice firm youthful masculine buttocks

17Ye shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and his testimonies, and his statutes, which he hath commanded thee.

18And thou shalt do that which is right and good in the sight of the LORD: that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest go in and possess the good land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers.

But what is wrong to any sensible,thoughtful caring person

19To cast out all thine enemies from before thee, as the LORD hath spoken.

They didn't really have any until Jethro put these daft Ideas into Moses head.

20And when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What mean the testimonies, and the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD our God hath commanded you?

21Then thou shalt say unto thy son, We were Pharaoh's bondmen in Egypt; and the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand:

22And the LORD shewed signs and wonders, great and sore, upon Egypt, upon Pharaoh, and upon all his household, before our eyes:

Shit happened and Moses gave his imaginary friend the credit.

23And he brought us out from thence, that he might bring us in, to give us the land which he sware unto our fathers.

24And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as it is at this day.

25And it shall be our righteousness, if we observe to do all these commandments before the LORD our God, as he hath commanded us.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Deuteronomy 5

Containing second rendition of the 10 commandments

1And Moses called all Israel, and said unto them, Hear, O Israel, the statutes and judgments which I speak in your ears this day, that ye may learn them, and keep, and do them.

2The LORD our God made a covenant with us in Horeb.

Cos' we all know de lards word is his.........worth as much as his penis.

3The LORD made not this covenant with our fathers, but with us, even us, who are all of us here alive this day.

Yes but he did make it with your ancestors

4The LORD talked with you face to face in the mount out of the midst of the fire,

With Jethro's help

5(I stood between the LORD and you at that time, to shew you the word of the LORD: for ye were afraid by reason of the fire, and went not up into the mount;) saying,

6I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

Hey I didn't realise that..... fuck me backwards no wonder Moses had a gas mask.

7Thou shalt have none other gods before me.

Cos any other gods have bigger willies than me

8Thou shalt not make thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the waters beneath the earth:

9Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me,

There he goes again spouting his jealousy like it's something to be proud of. Perhaps he needs counselling. But he would probably be happier with a penis extension.

10And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.

Love........I thought this dickless wonder was supposed to know every thing. How can he not know the difference between love and fear.

11Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain: for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

Fuck you Cunt I will say what I want and take your woolly goats with you.

12Keep the sabbath day to sanctify it, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee.

I can do that but I need bar staff to sell me beer

13Six days thou shalt labour, and do all thy work:

Fuck off ! I only do four

14But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.

As I already said the world needs bar staff

15And remember that thou wast a servant in the land of Egypt, and that the LORD thy God brought thee out thence through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the LORD thy God commanded thee to keep the sabbath day.

16Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Keep this in mind for when we get to the new testament.

17Thou shalt not kill.

Yeah right ! and this sermon is occuring after the complete destruction of how many cities and towns leaving how many alive

18Neither shalt thou commit adultery.

What happened to the women of these towns before they were put to death for "having known a man"

19Neither shalt thou steal.

Have I not recently read something about spoils of war.

20Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbour.

Yes cos god always tells the truth.

21Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife, neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour's house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any thing that is thy neighbour's.

Does that not mean ....hmmmm........don't be jealous ?

22These words the LORD spake unto all your assembly in the mount out of the midst of the fire, of the cloud, and of the thick darkness, with a great voice: and he added no more. And he wrote them in two tables of stone, and delivered them unto me.

And you fucking broke them

23And it came to pass, when ye heard the voice out of the midst of the darkness, (for the mountain did burn with fire,) that ye came near unto me, even all the heads of your tribes, and your elders;

Honest guv it did .....really

24And ye said, Behold, the LORD our God hath shewed us his glory and his greatness, and we have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire: we have seen this day that God doth talk with man, and he liveth.

I remember Moses seeing gods arse

25Now therefore why should we die? for this great fire will consume us: if we hear the voice of the LORD our God any more, then we shall die.

See they are sick of the twat too.

26For who is there of all flesh, that hath heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as we have, and lived?

Well in all honesty ...probably ...oh I don't know but ummm .......none.

27Go thou near, and hear all that the LORD our God shall say: and speak thou unto us all that the LORD our God shall speak unto thee; and we will hear it, and do it.

28And the LORD heard the voice of your words, when ye spake unto me; and the LORD said unto me, I have heard the voice of the words of this people, which they have spoken unto thee: they have well said all that they have spoken.

29O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever!

Did commandment used to mean suggestion ?

30Go say to them, Get you into your tents again.

31But as for thee, stand thou here by me, and I will speak unto thee all the commandments, and the statutes, and the judgments, which thou shalt teach them, that they may do them in the land which I give them to possess it.

What was that bit about not stealing again ?

32Ye shall observe to do therefore as the LORD your God hath commanded you: ye shall not turn aside to the right hand or to the left.

33Ye shall walk in all the ways which the LORD your God hath commanded you, that ye may live, and that it may be well with you, and that ye may prolong your days in the land which ye shall possess.

Deuteronomy 4

1Now therefore hearken, O Israel, unto the statutes and unto the judgments, which I teach you, for to do them, that ye may live, and go in and possess the land which the LORD God of your fathers giveth you.
2Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
3Your eyes have seen what the LORD did because of Baalpeor: for all the men that followed Baalpeor, the LORD thy God hath destroyed them from among you.

Baalpeor I think this should actually be written Baal Peor as it means Lord of Peor. Although Baal is often thought of as a Pagan god and in some instances was .e.g Baal Hamon of the Carthogens. Initially in the ancient middle east Baal was a title generally meaning minor king( Minor king under a greater king, a king ruled over by a king of kings or emperor). Whether or not they were diefied as were Egyptian pharoahs is not fully agreed on but I would go with the affirmative.

4But ye that did cleave unto the LORD your God are alive every one of you this day.

Couldn't have really been much of a battle if one side suffered no losses. Did it involve more gas, or were any dead Israelites considered to be unbelievers ?

5Behold, I have taught you statutes and judgments, even as the LORD my God commanded me, that ye should do so in the land whither ye go to possess it.
6Keep therefore and do them; for this is your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the nations, which shall hear all these statutes, and say, Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.
7For what nation is there so great, who hath God so nigh unto them, as the LORD our God is in all things that we call upon him for?

Well on one side at the time they had Egypt, on another border they had Assyria the rest was virtually covered by the Phoenician empire.

8And what nation is there so great, that hath statutes and judgements so righteous as all this law, which I set before you this day?

So righteous to alienate many of the populace, encouraging inhumanity against anyone who will not bend to their will and to many that do. whilst enforcing a parasitical ruling priesthood to take the cream off every action good bad or indifferent. So righteous it makes laws then almost in the same breath insists they are broken.

9Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons;

Surely it would be virtually impossible to forget the carnage involved in the spread of their empire, the catalogue of battles followed by the dispicable murder of innocent women and children. And surely the only way to teach your sons the things you have seen would be for them to continue doing what you have done ......Unfortunately that is one thing they have managed to keep up !

10Specially the day that thou stoodest before the LORD thy God in Horeb, when the LORD said unto me, Gather me the people together, and I will make them hear my words, that they may learn to fear me all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children.
11And ye came near and stood under the mountain; and the mountain burned with fire unto the midst of heaven, with darkness, clouds, and thick darkness.
12And the LORD spake unto you out of the midst of the fire: ye heard the voice of the words, but saw no similitude; only ye heard a voice.

Helluva showman that Jethro

13And he declared unto you his covenant, which he commanded you to perform, even ten commandments; and he wrote them upon two tables of stone.
14And the LORD commanded me at that time to teach you statutes and judgments, that ye might do them in the land whither ye go over to possess it.
15Take ye therefore good heed unto yourselves; for ye saw no manner of similitude on the day that the LORD spake unto you in Horeb out of the midst of the fire:

16Lest ye corrupt yourselves, and make you a graven image, the similitude of any figure, the likeness of male or female,

Like they had to make for the Ark

17The likeness of any beast that is on the earth, the likeness of any winged fowl that flieth in the air,

Would these be the biblical four legged birds or the real two legged ones ?

18The likeness of any thing that creepeth on the ground, the likeness of any fish that is in the waters beneath the earth:

Also is this the biblical four legged insects or the real six legged ones or maybe half a spider

19And lest thou lift up thine eyes unto heaven, and when thou seest the sun, and the moon, and the stars, even all the host of heaven, shouldest be driven to worship them, and serve them, which the LORD thy God hath divided unto all nations under the whole heaven.
20But the LORD hath taken you, and brought you forth out of the iron furnace, even out of Egypt, to be unto him a people of inheritance, as ye are this day.
21Furthermore the LORD was angry with me for your sakes, and sware that I should not go over Jordan, and that I should not go in unto that good land, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance:
22But I must die in this land, I must not go over Jordan: but ye shall go over, and possess that good land.
23Take heed unto yourselves, lest ye forget the covenant of the LORD your God, which he made with you, and make you a graven image, or the likeness of any thing, which the LORD thy God hath forbidden thee.
24For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God.

Its been my experiance that jealousy is felt by those that percieve inadequacy in themselves when measured against the success of others. Well don't listen to me hears a dictionary definition
1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4. a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

Call me old fashioned but , I just find it hard to imagine that this god the so called creator of the universe, the source of all things,has a bad case of penis envy.

Ahhh ! poor lardy thinks he has a likkle winky

That would certainly explain all the hostility, we discussed Abraham's small manhood earlier perhaps this is why thy Israelites are his chosen people perhaps they are phallically challenged.

That might also explain why he picked on Og and his people. Just for having the big bed of fun, and the necessary equipment to go with it.

25When thou shalt beget children, and children's children, and ye shall have remained long in the land, and shall corrupt yourselves, and make a graven image, or the likeness of any thing, and shall do evil in the sight of the LORD thy God, to provoke him to anger:

I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that ye shall soon utterly perish from off the land whereunto ye go over Jordan to possess it; ye shall not prolong your days upon it, but shall utterly be destroyed.
27And the LORD shall scatter you among the nations, and ye shall be left few in number among the heathen, whither the LORD shall lead you.
28And there ye shall serve gods, the work of men's hands, wood and stone, which neither see, nor hear, nor eat, nor smell.
29But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.
30When thou art in tribulation, and all these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the LORD thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice;
31(For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them.

I thought he claims to be every bodies god, if so he has just proved himself either mistaken or a fucking liar.

32For ask now of the days that are past, which were before thee, since the day that God created man upon the earth, and ask from the one side of heaven unto the other, whether there hath been any such thing as this great thing is, or hath been heard like it?

Yup he's got to be a fucking liar, else ......... No. One way or the other he's a fucking liar

33Did ever people hear the voice of God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as thou hast heard, and live?

According to what we have been told .....Yes.

34Or hath God assayed to go and take him a nation from the midst of another nation, by temptations, by signs, and by wonders, and by war, and by a mighty hand, and by a stretched out arm, and by great terrors, according to all that the LORD your God did for you in Egypt before your eyes?

what did it say in verse 31 again ?

35Unto thee it was shewed, that thou mightest know that the LORD he is God; there is none else beside him.

Ah this will be after Ashera left him.

36Out of heaven he made thee to hear his voice, that he might instruct thee: and upon earth he shewed thee his great fire; and thou heardest his words out of the midst of the fire.
37And because he loved thy fathers, therefore he chose their seed after them, and brought thee out in his sight with his mighty power out of Egypt;
38To drive out nations from before thee greater and mightier than thou art, to bring thee in, to give thee their land for an inheritance, as it is this day.
39Know therefore this day, and consider it in thine heart, that the LORD he is God in heaven above, and upon the earth beneath: there is none else.
40Thou shalt keep therefore his statutes, and his commandments, which I command thee this day, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days upon the earth, which the LORD thy God giveth thee, for ever.
41Then Moses severed three cities on this side Jordan toward the sunrising;
42That the slayer might flee thither, which should kill his neighbour unawares, and hated him not in times past; and that fleeing unto one of these cities he might live:
43Namely, Bezer in the wilderness, in the plain country, of the Reubenites; and Ramoth in Gilead, of the Gadites; and Golan in Bashan, of the Manassites.
44And this is the law which Moses set before the children of Israel:
45These are the testimonies, and the statutes, and the judgments, which Moses spake unto the children of Israel, after they came forth out of Egypt.
46On this side Jordan, in the valley over against Bethpeor, in the land of Sihon king of the Amorites, who dwelt at Heshbon, whom Moses and the children of Israel smote, after they were come forth out of Egypt:
47And they possessed his land, and the land of Og king of Bashan, two kings of the Amorites, which were on this side Jordan toward the sunrising;
48From Aroer, which is by the bank of the river Arnon, even unto mount Sion, which is Hermon,
49And all the plain on this side Jordan eastward, even unto the sea of the plain, under the springs of Pisgah.

Jocularity aside I can appreciate the colonial mentality, the sudden lack of restraint after a bloody battle ,the adrenalin fuelled lusts for killing and well, lust. After all the Europeans and early Americans did not conquer without transgressing basic humanitarian codes.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Deuteronomy 3

1Then we turned, and went up the way to Bashan: and Og the king of Bashan came out against us, he and all his people, to battle at Edrei.

2And the LORD said unto me, Fear him not: for I will deliver him, and all his people, and his land, into thy hand; and thou shalt do unto him as thou didst unto Sihon king of the Amorites, which dwelt at Heshbon.

So there you have it in de words of de lard !

3So the LORD our God delivered into our hands Og also, the king of Bashan, and all his people: and we smote him until none was left to him remaining.

4And we took all his cities at that time, there was not a city which we took not from them, threescore cities, all the region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan.

5All these cities were fenced with high walls, gates, and bars; beside unwalled towns a great many.

Walled cities were hard to lay siege to unless you knew what you were doing. This implies skills you would not develop living in tents in the desert.e.g. building siege ramps and siege towers.

6And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city.

Again I can't help but wonder why ? How much land do these people need ?

I really do suspect that a small community has got caught up in the invasion that is recorded in the armana letters and if that's the case it is the leader of the sea peoples that is now called god,as I said earlier, I wonder whether it is the same Moses.

7But all the cattle, and the spoil of the cities, we took for a prey to ourselves.

8And we took at that time out of the hand of the two kings of the Amorites the land that was on this side Jordan, from the river of Arnon unto mount Hermon;

9(Which Hermon the Sidonians call Sirion; and the Amorites call it Shenir;)

10All the cities of the plain, and all Gilead, and all Bashan, unto Salchah and Edrei, cities of the kingdom of Og in Bashan.

11For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold his bedstead was a bedstead of iron; is it not in Rabbath of the children of Ammon? nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it, after the cubit of a man.

I think here what we have isn't a giants bed but a giant bed... four cubits long and nine cubits wide. A bed made not for a giant to sleep on, but a bed to have orgies on. Og was not a giant ,he was however a stallion.

12And this land, which we possessed at that time, from Aroer, which is by the river Arnon, and half mount Gilead, and the cities thereof, gave I unto the Reubenites and to the Gadites.

13And the rest of Gilead, and all Bashan, being the kingdom of Og, gave I unto the half tribe of Manasseh; all the region of Argob, with all Bashan, which was called the land of giants.

14Jair the son of Manasseh took all the country of Argob unto the coasts of Geshuri and Maachathi; and called them after his own name, Bashanhavothjair, unto this day.

15And I gave Gilead unto Machir.

16And unto the Reubenites and unto the Gadites I gave from Gilead even unto the river Arnon half the valley, and the border even unto the river Jabbok, which is the border of the children of Ammon;

17The plain also, and Jordan, and the coast thereof, from Chinnereth even unto the sea of the plain, even the salt sea, under Ashdothpisgah eastward.

18And I commanded you at that time, saying, The LORD your God hath given you this land to possess it: ye shall pass over armed before your brethren the children of Israel, all that are meet for the war.

19But your wives, and your little ones, and your cattle, (for I know that ye have much cattle,) shall abide in your cities which I have given you;

Typical ! Leave the women to tidy up the mess,look after the kids and feed the animals.

20Until the LORD have given rest unto your brethren, as well as unto you, and until they also possess the land which the LORD your God hath given them beyond Jordan: and then shall ye return every man unto his possession, which I have given you.

21And I commanded Joshua at that time, saying, Thine eyes have seen all that the LORD your God hath done unto these two kings: so shall the LORD do unto all the kingdoms whither thou passest.

22Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your God he shall fight for you.

23And I besought the LORD at that time, saying,

24O Lord GOD, thou hast begun to shew thy servant thy greatness, and thy mighty hand: for what God is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy works, and according to thy might?

25I pray thee, let me go over, and see the good land that is beyond Jordan, that goodly mountain, and Lebanon.

So they have got enough space to live. Its just old Moses wants world domination.

Of course there is another option....all this happened in the mind of moses and some scribes wrote his utterances before he died.

26But the LORD was wroth with me for your sakes, and would not hear me: and the LORD said unto me, Let it suffice thee; speak no more unto me of this matter.

This last verse suggests to me this god is a man, a general or king either with a pre set agenda or he didn't go that way because that was his home turf.

27Get thee up into the top of Pisgah, and lift up thine eyes westward, and northward, and southward, and eastward, and behold it with thine eyes: for thou shalt not go over this Jordan.

28But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see.

29So we abode in the valley over against Bethpeor.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Deuteronomy 2

1Then we turned, and took our journey into the wilderness by the way of the Red sea, as the LORD spake unto me: and we compassed mount Seir many days.

2And the LORD spake unto me, saying,

3Ye have compassed this mountain long enough: turn you northward.

4And command thou the people, saying, Ye are to pass through the coast of your brethren the children of Esau, which dwell in Seir; and they shall be afraid of you: take ye good heed unto yourselves therefore.

5Meddle not with them; for I will not give you of their land, no, not so much as a foot breadth; because I have given mount Seir unto Esau for a possession.

I think this is another of gods promises that time will show isn't worth a wank. In fact I don't get the impression any of de lards promises work with the test of time, quite often shown to be bullshit within a year or so.

6Ye shall buy meat of them for money, that ye may eat; and ye shall also buy water of them for money, that ye may drink.

7For the LORD thy God hath blessed thee in all the works of thy hand: he knoweth thy walking through this great wilderness: these forty years the LORD thy God hath been with thee; thou hast lacked nothing.

Thou hast lacked nothing....Fucking excuse me...I thought they lacked food and water at least once if not twice depending how you want to interpret the two accounts and how many deaths happened because the starving masses were eating the already forbidden carrion ?

Not to mention other things they would have taken for granted in Egypt. Such as stability,comfort,the ability to wash, to name but a few.

8And when we passed by from our brethren the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, through the way of the plain from Elath, and from Eziongaber, we turned and passed by the way of the wilderness of Moab.

9And the LORD said unto me, Distress not the Moabites, neither contend with them in battle: for I will not give thee of their land for a possession; because I have given Ar unto the children of Lot for a possession.

I think that the sudden need to leave these people alone comes more from the fact that they got their arses kicked, rather than god showing mercy or even morals.

In fact I find it interesting to note,at the present spokesmen of many of the world religions and the odd crackpot politician are drumming out the old tirade that without religion man is immoral, regardless of the ever growing list on my sidebar.Here we have the focal point of christianity and judaeism shown time and time again to be one of the least moral in recorded history with the added immorality of cowardice to the list of attrocities only (as far as I know equalled by Hitler, Genghis khan and the Emporor Wu

I feel it is also noteworthy that at least two of those are judged to have struggled with their sanity before their deaths.

10The Emims dwelt therein in times past, a people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims;

11Which also were accounted giants, as the Anakims; but the Moabites called them Emims.

Would it be possible the Anakim are the same race of people as the Ananuki ? Seems someone agrees with me

12The Horims also dwelt in Seir beforetime; but the children of Esau succeeded them, when they had destroyed them from before them, and dwelt in their stead; as Israel did unto the land of his possession, which the LORD gave unto them.

13Now rise up, said I, and get you over the brook Zered. And we went over the brook Zered.

14And the space in which we came from Kadeshbarnea, until we were come over the brook Zered, was thirty and eight years; until all the generation of the men of war were wasted out from among the host, as the LORD sware unto them.

15For indeed the hand of the LORD was against them, to destroy them from among the host, until they were consumed.

16So it came to pass, when all the men of war were consumed and dead from among the people,

17That the LORD spake unto me, saying,

18Thou art to pass over through Ar, the coast of Moab, this day:

19And when thou comest nigh over against the children of Ammon, distress them not, nor meddle with them: for I will not give thee of the land of the children of Ammon any possession; because I have given it unto the children of Lot for a possession.

Here again we see de lard supporting immorality this time the decendants of an incestuous relationship.

20(That also was accounted a land of giants: giants dwelt therein in old time; and the Ammonites call them Zamzummims;

21A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead:

Does "giants" mean something other than very big. The spies that brought back the news of the giant Anakim, were chastised for reporting bullshit ,now every fucker is a giant, or perhaps the Israelites were particularly short

22As he did to the children of Esau, which dwelt in Seir, when he destroyed the Horims from before them; and they succeeded them, and dwelt in their stead even unto this day:

23And the Avims which dwelt in Hazerim, even unto Azzah, the Caphtorims, which came forth out of Caphtor, destroyed them, and dwelt in their stead.)

24Rise ye up, take your journey, and pass over the river Arnon: behold, I have given into thine hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land: begin to possess it, and contend with him in battle.

25This day will I begin to put the dread of thee and the fear of thee upon the nations that are under the whole heaven, who shall hear report of thee, and shall tremble, and be in anguish because of thee.

Does this mean anti-semitism is decreed by de lard ?

26And I sent messengers out of the wilderness of Kedemoth unto Sihon king of Heshbon with words of peace, saying,

27Let me pass through thy land: I will go along by the high way, I will neither turn unto the right hand nor to the left.

28Thou shalt sell me meat for money, that I may eat; and give me water for money, that I may drink: only I will pass through on my feet;

29(As the children of Esau which dwell in Seir, and the Moabites which dwell in Ar, did unto me;) until I shall pass over Jordan into the land which the LORD our God giveth us.

30But Sihon king of Heshbon would not let us pass by him: for the LORD thy God hardened his spirit, and made his heart obstinate, that he might deliver him into thy hand, as appeareth this day.

So de lard, god of peace is shit stirring again ? What happened to this so called freewill we are supposed to have ?

31And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have begun to give Sihon and his land before thee: begin to possess, that thou mayest inherit his land.

32Then Sihon came out against us, he and all his people, to fight at Jahaz.

33And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people.

34And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain:

Can you feel the morality ?

Then again the fact that they slaughtered everyone means they were moral in the fact they didn't take slaves and moral as they didn't commit human sacrifice this time.

35Only the cattle we took for a prey unto ourselves, and the spoil of the cities which we took.

36From Aroer, which is by the brink of the river of Arnon, and from the city that is by the river, even unto Gilead, there was not one city too strong for us: the LORD our God delivered all unto us:

37Only unto the land of the children of Ammon thou camest not, nor unto any place of the river Jabbok, nor unto the cities in the mountains, nor unto whatsoever the LORD our God

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Deuteronomy 1

1These be the words which Moses spake unto all Israel on this side Jordan in the wilderness, in the plain over against the Red sea, between Paran, and Tophel, and Laban, and Hazeroth, and Dizahab.

This first line implies that this book was written by someone other than Moses, as does the writing style.

2(There are eleven days' journey from Horeb by the way of mount Seir unto Kadeshbarnea.)

3And it came to pass in the fortieth year, in the eleventh month, on the first day of the month, that Moses spake unto the children of Israel, according unto all that the LORD had given him in commandment unto them;

4After he had slain Sihon the king of the Amorites, which dwelt in Heshbon, and Og the king of Bashan, which dwelt at Astaroth in Edrei:

Moses did it personally did he ?

5On this side Jordan, in the land of Moab, began Moses to declare this law, saying,

6The LORD our God spake unto us in Horeb, saying, Ye have dwelt long enough in this mount:

7Turn you, and take your journey, and go to the mount of the Amorites, and unto all the places nigh thereunto, in the plain, in the hills, and in the vale, and in the south, and by the sea side, to the land of the Canaanites, and unto Lebanon, unto the great river, the river Euphrates.

8Behold, I have set the land before you: go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give unto them and to their seed after them.

There's a promise from de lard. History tells us time and again how good de lards promises are, especially this one.

9And I spake unto you at that time, saying, I am not able to bear you myself alone:

10The LORD your God hath multiplied you, and, behold, ye are this day as the stars of heaven for multitude.

Couple of points here....I would have thought any increase in numbers would have been down to fucking, not god. Then again, if fucking is your god,then that is fine. That's the kind of god I can put my faith in.

Secondly, has god told him they are this day as the stars of heaven for multitude. If he did this is a downright lie. Yet another example of gods trustworthiness and reliability.

11(The LORD God of your fathers make you a thousand times so many more as ye are, and bless you, as he hath promised you!)

12How can I myself alone bear your cumbrance, and your burden, and your strife?

You would have thought the riches and slaves would have helped ?

13Take you wise men, and understanding, and known among your tribes, and I will make them rulers over you.

14And ye answered me, and said, The thing which thou hast spoken is good for us to do.

15So I took the chief of your tribes, wise men, and known, and made them heads over you, captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, and captains over fifties, and captains over tens, and officers among your tribes.

And gave them powers to fleece you all and take a cut of all transactions in the name of de lard.

16And I charged your judges at that time, saying, Hear the causes between your brethren, and judge righteously between every man and his brother, and the stranger that is with him.

17Ye shall not respect persons in judgment; but ye shall hear the small as well as the great; ye shall not be afraid of the face of man; for the judgment is God's: and the cause that is too hard for you, bring it unto me, and I will hear it.

Just in case god is busy, or just not available.

18And I commanded you at that time all the things which ye should do.

19And when we departed from Horeb, we went through all that great and terrible wilderness, which ye saw by the way of the mountain of the Amorites, as the LORD our God commanded us; and we came to Kadeshbarnea.

20And I said unto you, Ye are come unto the mountain of the Amorites, which the LORD our God doth give unto us.

21Behold, the LORD thy God hath set the land before thee: go up and possess it, as the LORD God of thy fathers hath said unto thee; fear not, neither be discouraged.

22And ye came near unto me every one of you, and said, We will send men before us, and they shall search us out the land, and bring us word again by what way we must go up, and into what cities we shall come.

23And the saying pleased me well: and I took twelve men of you, one of a tribe:

24And they turned and went up into the mountain, and came unto the valley of Eshcol, and searched it out.

25And they took of the fruit of the land in their hands, and brought it down unto us, and brought us word again, and said, It is a good land which the LORD our God doth give us.

26Notwithstanding ye would not go up, but rebelled against the commandment of the LORD your God:

27And ye murmured in your tents, and said, Because the LORD hated us, he hath brought us forth out of the land of Egypt, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us.

28Whither shall we go up? our brethren have discouraged our heart, saying, The people is greater and taller than we; the cities are great and walled up to heaven; and moreover we have seen the sons of the Anakims there.

29Then I said unto you, Dread not, neither be afraid of them.

30The LORD your God which goeth before you, he shall fight for you, according to all that he did for you in Egypt before your eyes;

31And in the wilderness, where thou hast seen how that the LORD thy God bare thee, as a man doth bear his son, in all the way that ye went, until ye came into this place.

32Yet in this thing ye did not believe the LORD your God,

33Who went in the way before you, to search you out a place to pitch your tents in, in fire by night, to shew you by what way ye should go, and in a cloud by day.

34And the LORD heard the voice of your words, and was wroth, and sware, saying,

35Surely there shall not one of these men of this evil generation see that good land, which I sware to give unto your fathers.

36Save Caleb the son of Jephunneh; he shall see it, and to him will I give the land that he hath trodden upon, and to his children, because he hath wholly followed the LORD.

37Also the LORD was angry with me for your sakes, saying, Thou also shalt not go in thither.

38But Joshua the son of Nun, which standeth before thee, he shall go in thither: encourage him: for he shall cause Israel to inherit it.

39Moreover your little ones, which ye said should be a prey, and your children, which in that day had no knowledge between good and evil, they shall go in thither, and unto them will I give it, and they shall possess it.

40But as for you, turn you, and take your journey into the wilderness by the way of the Red sea.

41Then ye answered and said unto me, We have sinned against the LORD, we will go up and fight, according to all that the LORD our God commanded us. And when ye had girded on every man his weapons of war, ye were ready to go up into the hill.

42And the LORD said unto me, Say unto them. Go not up, neither fight; for I am not among you; lest ye be smitten before your enemies.

Because god can't be everywhere at once can he ?

43So I spake unto you; and ye would not hear, but rebelled against the commandment of the LORD, and went presumptuously up into the hill.

44And the Amorites, which dwelt in that mountain, came out against you, and chased you, as bees do, and destroyed you in Seir, even unto Hormah.

Note this,the Amorites when they defeated the Israelites they didn't kill every last one of them save for the virgin women. Also that the conquest of the land wasn't the walkover implied in the previous book. But that would imply limitations to de power of de lard.

45And ye returned and wept before the LORD; but the LORD would not hearken to your voice, nor give ear unto you.

Ooh ! the poor isrealites...They cant muder, rape and pillage the innocent without help from their god of love.

46So ye abode in Kadesh many days, according unto the days that ye abode there.

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Numbers Recap

Well what a palaver.

First as suggested by the title we have literally the numbers of men in the tribes. This is followed by the order of the tribal tents or the hierarchy of the owners of these tents. As said earlier the tribe of the Levites as priests were allocated the top of the food chain. Then the hierarchy of the Levites is described.
Then we move on to great offerings from the twelve tribes chiefs given by the princes of these tribes. This involves some precious things and of course, a lot of sacrifices to de lard.
This has apparently turned the meandering muppets into an army which allegedly are then led by de lard.

It is then dropped in that Moses had married an Ethiopian woman.[ Is this a possible inference that Moses is also a title and this is not the same Moses that led the people from Egypt,further hints that this is a new improved Moses, is that although still psychopathic, does seem to be more level headed]
This inadvertently leads to Aaron and Miriam,(a variant of Mary) coming forward with a few complaints about this other wife.Which for some reason leads to Miriam being apparently struck with leprosy by de lard. Moses then intervenes and she is apparently cured but ejected for a week.

De lard then tells Moses to send out spies to gather information of the surrounding nations. (why couldn't he just give him the info himself ? After all if anyone could know it should be de lard.) Obviously having been brought up with high moral values and strength of character being SO much closer to de lard than the rest of us mortals, lied through their back teeth.

A chap called Korah a grandson of Levi then leads a minor rebellion( some 250 men)Moses utilising all his man management promptly makes arrangements for them and their families(except Korah's for some reason) and anyone who may have the slightest possibility of agreeing with them gassed struck down by de ever lovin' lard with a localised plague.(14,700)
After making sure to dispose of the evidence, Moses then makes the Israelites take special precautions in the disposal of the bodies.

We then see either a repeat of the incident with the water from Edom or as I suspect a mistake made at some point between the possible events and the final edition of this book. Whether a mistake in the Oral tradition or two different scrolls being merged. Either way instead of the battle almost immediately in the first version, the Israelites now go forward on a mission to conquer......Oh wait that may be the same!!!Before they go to "war". Aaron and his son Eleazer are taken up to mount Hor, Eleazer puts on Aarons clothes and, presto ! Aaron is dead. This has a profound effect on de lard, as he stops announcing himself with the prefix..."I am de lard your gawd" every time he speaks to Moses.
In the name of the all merciful lard the Israelites capture some Amorite cities, killing all but virgin girls. Some of these survivors are offered as a "heave offering to de lard" ????.......Can you feel the love and mercy ?

We are introduced to a character Balak king of Moab, son of Zippor.[Any relation to Zipporah, daughter of Jethro,the midianite priest,Moses father in law ]who sends for Balaam to mediate between him and the invaders. Balaam, A man who beats his donkey and manages to fall off and hit his head in such a way that he gives himself Auditory Hallucinations. Believing god has reprimaded him (cos god loves animals) he then, with perfect Old Testament logic sacrifices 7 rams and 7 oxen to de lard. He reports to Balak with his hallucination.
Resistance is futile, the ravening hordes of Israel sweep across Canaan with a finesse not matched until Genghis Khan.

The last few chapters are mostly devoted to the splitting up of the lands,cities,gold, cattle and women.

Aside from yet again underlining de lards impotence, stupidity senility and blindness it just opens more questions.
Was there more than one Moses ?
Why, if the Israelites, who allegedly had seen all this evidence of gods so called power, were there so many dissidents.
Why if these incidents ,especially the conquest of Canaan are not recorded in any of the surrounding lands.
Or are the Israelites actually the "mysterious sea people" recorded in the some of the Amarna letters ?
Why is Moses thought of as good man when historically there are few that have been responsible(in their lifetime) for greater numbers of attrocities and murders of his fellow human beings ?